myblog -december '02
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Tuesday, December 31, 2002
yesterday, i had a dream... the most amazing dream i have ever had, described it doesnt sound so great, but man its just something you have to experience to truly know what im talking about...
it takes place at the beach. i come to this place where there are numbers "typed" on the sand, about 200 or so.. it wasnt really clear.. the numbers each had like a small pencil-wide hole in the sand below them.. and a worm/snake thing that jumped from one hole to another and under the sand from hole to hole.. apparently, you had to choose a number and catch the snake that way to find the meaning of life or something to that extent.. most people would try to get the snake by predicting where it would be, hence choosing the wrong number.. a face, or a man appeared to my right and told me to choose either 74,76 or a third number (100something) i now forget.. so i went to get 74 and as i stepped over, i kicked over some sand (by mistake) that then covered the numbers up. so i was afraid i would get the wrong number, but i still reached into the sand and got the right number, ie, i got it where the snake was.. so then something happened, im not sure what, and i caught a gust of wind and just began to soar into the air.. just like that.. i spread my arms and just went into the air with the wind. i just started gliding/flying around..
at one point i was flying above the sea, at the beach, just starting to rise and rise.. at one point i was about 1 kilometer (or mile if you are weird) high into the air.. and everything on the ground looked incredibly small.. at which point i began to worry that if the wind suddenly stopped i would just drop to the ground and splat a nasty splat into the ground.. so i decided to slowly descend. i then reached a height of about a meter or two (again, 3 feet, if youre weird) above the water.. and then i began flying around through trees and stuff.. it was crazy.. i eventually reached this dock-type place where there was some guy lying there, just "chillin'" and thats when i woke up..
it was such and amazing dream, i mean, you cant imagine the sense of freedom you get from just being able to set out into flight.. and seeing the world from the sky down.. its great.. i recommend it.. *laughs maliciously at your inability to choose what you dream*
Saturday, December 28, 2002
man, ive been having some weird dreams lately.. todays (well.. yesterdays...) was especially so..
the other days ive been dreaming stuff like being back in my former country of residence, and being visited by my uncle, aunt and cousins, who just went past in a bus.. and then i ended up in the bus tagging along just going around.. then we ended up in the second house i ever lived in.. (which is also the house i lived in the longest period in my life) then we were standing at the door, and i saw some shady characters suspiciously upon the neighbor's roof.. then trying to get in the next-door neighbors house.. so i yelled at my cousins to get in the house immediately.. just then one of the shady characters (a girl) walked up to the gate, and i slammed it closed and locked it... to which she gently responded "so you know.."
we ran in the house and i closed the door, i told them all to go into my parents' bedroom and then lock the door. the people managed to break into the house, and i found my bb handgun, ready "blast away" any of the intruders.. who had now made their way into my brothers room.. i went to the kitchen and was slightly relieved that my very fierce beast of a dog was in the patio, so anyone trying to get in through the roof and, therefor, patio, wouldnt be able to, due to the heavy guard dormantly awaiting its moment.. so i somehow was now back in the room, and the girl had broken in.. and now i had to fend her off somehow.. so i started blasting away pellets in fierce adrenaline powered sense of survival.. somehow, she was facing me sideways, so i was trying to shoot her in the ear, and it was just not having any effect, despite the 12 inches that separated the barrel from her ear drum.. so i was now trying to shoot her in the eyes and just any place that might cause pain if struck by a little pellet with a big heart.. (or something like that)... i cant remember how it ended, but i doubt it was in any sane way..
yesterday's involved me being with my sister in some strange underground (or so) mall, where a (now) famous young singstress that me and my sister find to be really kewl (no not avril, its another girl following that similar style, a mexican energy-bomb by the name of natalia lafourcade (pronounced like the french "tailed" "c")) was (i think performing) at a baseball park, (yes, in this underground mall) so we went and said hello and whatever.. after which i was now walking around.. as is typical in my dreams, and i guess dreams in general, things morph and concepts converge and change, i was now, walking through what seemed to be the tunnels of a train station, still being this mall place.. which then became something of a theme park kind of place, which, by the way, was now closing and dispersing its visitors for the day.. i, of course was locked in.. and as i approached one of the glass doors that led to the outside world at the end of one of the halls, i saw outside, waving at me, one of my high-school teachers, whom i really held dear (and still do), and thought of her almost as a surrogate mother.. but, of course, she was outside, and the glass door was closed, which meant i couldnt go talk to her or anything.. she was amongst a group of people who apparently and inexplicably all disappeared.. i happened to find a baby, toddler actually, toddling around, alone in his toddly, mute, way, outside, but of course i managed to go and get him (how i got through the closed glass doors, and then why i went back in, i have no clue... but, in dreams, i seem to be almighty, limited only by my own lack of knowledge of this incredible power.. ohh yeah, and in all my dreams, with the simple flapping of my arms, i take flight, and if i get to a steep hill and jump, i glide.. thats right, not even gravity is too much for me.. ) so now i am carrying this baby in my arms, and i walk off.. i see some people and tell them how irresponsable some people are, leaving their children like that.. so i set out on a search to find the baby's father.. (why the father? well. i'll leave it to you to find the "meaning" of that.. just wait to hear the rest of the dream...) so i walk around aisles and aisles, of what now seems to be the "restaurant" area of the underground resort place, i walk past a bunch of conference rooms where two women entered one.. (i know, the detail in my dreams is sometimes unnecessarily weird.. ) then i got to the actual restaurant and eating place, which only had waiters and chefs out on the eating area now, looking eerily like a fancy lounge-bar after closing time.. so i sit at a table and start talking to them, trying to see if they might be able to help me out.. just then i think one of them points out, or i realize that... the baby is dead!!!!!! dead!!!! it died in my arms as i was trying to find its father!!! (man, the metaphor of this is just waaaay too effed up.. seriously..) so i start crying, and crying, and i could really feel myself sad in the waking world, i mean, it wasnt just that i was "crying" in my dream, but, it was that i was almost also crying for real! (almost, but not) and then some guy walked past me, who i assumed knew something about medicine for some reason, and i tried getting him to help me, and all he said was "no, he's dead, he's dead..." "NO!!! you have to bring him back to life!!! do something!!!!" "i cant! he's dead!!" and basically, this is how it ended.. me holding a limp and pink/browned baby, that had died in my arms, as i tried to find the father that had abandonded it... man...
Friday, December 27, 2002
*has cut his hair.. twice.. it is now about one eighth its original length..*
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
merry christmas everyone!!! i hope you all had a great and safe time!
its recipe for burger meat..
and the blog
is archived!! 4 months worth of blog-goodness!
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
am i too jaded?
merry day before christmas to all!! i have stuff to write.. so, i will begin by saying a few.. first, the one thats gotten to me the most as of late... well, my mother referred to my brother as her "eldest son" during lunch.. we were all eating lunch (almost a miraculous event, i dont think we have had a meal the whole family in like.. well.. years) anyways, something was happening and my mom said "dont hurt/bother my eldest son.." and if you know me, you know i am the eldest, having 2 years on my brother, and 6 on my sister.. so, after this comment it was pretty much the last drop.. it very much sums up my position in this family.. being? the non-exisistant one.. ie, i am noone, not only to my father, (who has resigned to all paternal duties.. all), but to my mother as well.. did you know that growing up, since i was something like 16, ive been pushing my mom to teach me/let me drive.. to me, it was denied, to my younger by two years brother, she allowed him to take the car and whatnot.. yeah, at the time it bothered me some.. but now? 20 and no license no car, nothing, where my brother has a license at 18 (ps, thats the age you get a license here) AND a frikkin car of his own.. and now? i have asked to be allowed to drive or whatever to let me learn so as to be able to get my license at some point.. at least before i die.. (im not tellllling!!) but nothing.. still nothing.. and you know whats worst? i try to give more than i receive, i give people chances.. you know, and i was thinking the other day how sometimes im just waaay too linient and i let people hurt me because of that.. and its just me being stupid.. so now, when my mother said that, it was just waay too much.. and now, ive had enough of being a useless 20 year old idiot who doesnt have a stupid license and whom nobody cares about.. and what am i going to do about it? what can i do about it?? not much.. not much.. just whine about it here.. *sigh* stupid me being all.. i dont know.. "me".. ohh well, kennedy was wrong, no man is an island... (thats one for you quote fans out there)
Sunday, December 22, 2002
only two cases are exempt from "cho" and "cha" (pronounced "chay") -ism.. one is entities such as bob.. and the other is for last names... if someone is referred to by their last name, then a "cho" (or "cha") is not appended. hence why there is "al cho" but no "kettle cho", in which case it would be simply "kettle".. the appendage "cha" is for females..
gift in german means "poison"
Saturday, December 21, 2002
a friend told me to write the following:
"today i went to see lord of the rings: the two towers. it was long."
it was also good, and i am ready to sleep right now
i am eating the most delicious cereal in the world! im eating trix! and no, im not a silly rabbit, and i know trix are for kids... *scrambles for some more before anyone says anything*
Thursday, December 19, 2002
holy MOTHERS is "freakylinks" my favorite show!!
*is currently writing his first movie script*
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
we have a winner! weee have a winner!
i just saw "requiem for a dream
". if you want to see quality directing, see this movie.
Monday, December 16, 2002
put the peeanut in the peaaanut hole!
Sunday, December 15, 2002
my blog is also a place where i vent my frustrations.. about life, about myself, about people, i just generally assume nobody is really reading this thing, i actually write as if it were to myself.. i forget people really do
read this thing.. people i
care about.. people who acer about me
! and sometimes i say things that might hurt those people in my unconscious venting.. we all have defects, but, as i said before: life is the struggle towards self-improvement
, and sometimes people have a greater stuggle than others.. and reading stuff like what i say when im upset about something.. or more importantly, how
i say it, can adversely affect readers.. and i often dont realize it, because, well, i am very very honest in my blog, i dont hold things back.. and yes, it has
gotten me in trouble.. case in point? my dad kicking me out of the house. although i did choose to leave, it wasnt a choice i made with pleasure. he pushed me, and pushed me, until i either moved out of the way, or faced being pushed over the edge. but you see, to me, the truth is the most valuable thing there is. which is also why i am a christian, and a christian by choice. i have questioned my beliefs, several times.. over and over and over.. constantly, actually.. and thats how i know i am right, because it never fails to be proven correct. so to me, getting the truth is very important, and hence, i value giving the truth
. the problem with the stuff ive written in my blog, as i have said previously, is that i have erroneously ignored how the way i reflect my feelings about themes and issues affects others. ie, how i express my feelings (eg, calling people "idiots" because they drink, which leads to their and other, innocent, people's demise) can affect people i care about (i dont have friends who dont drink.. as amof, i dont think i know anyone outside my immediate family and a few other people ive met in my life (very few) who dont drink.. actually, even bob
drinks, while not much, but he does.. ohh wait, i think al cho
doesnt drink) and it sucks, because i dont mean to hurt these people with my words, but my emotion is high in subjects such as self-destruction
.. and it really, really
scares me to think how the people i care about would go and get hurt due to something as *insert any adequate adjective here* as drinking.. i mean, drinking is not fun, it leads to your losing control, and when you lose control, you do things you dont want to. and people can get hurt by that, you
can get hurt by that.. and as i said before.. i only get emotional because i care.. if i didnt care i would don an attitude such as "yeah, go ahead, get drunk, do as you please!" and then stuff like what happened a week ago happens.. which, needless to say, is not good.
so, with this post i want to say, basically, please, ignore my aggression when i talk about subjects which touch me close to the heart.. ignore the language and accept the message.. accept the advice.. and dont get offended.. if you are reading this, if you read my blog, you care, which means you are worth more to me than anyone.. yes, whether i hear from you much or not.. the fact that you even care to visit this place, means you care, and that to me is worth more than gold.. and it makes me care for you.. and thats why i dont want you to have to go through the experience of losing a friend (which i know for a fact many of you already have.. ) or your own life.. and on that subject, i would like to invite you to accept jesus into your heart.. accept him as your lord and savior, he came and gave his life
for you.. so you too can enjoy of that incredible experience we call heaven.. all you have to do is pray, tell him you accept him.. and seek him.. thats all.. the rest continues as a relationship.. stronger than a friendship, and more valuable than anything you could imagine.. dont scoff it off and think little of this.. it will change your life. if you want to talk or whatever.. you know you can contact me by email.. send a comment... sign the guestbook
.. i want all of you to know that i really do care about you.. and that i only want you to be happy, and i only wish you the best.. whether i am unconsciously calling you (indirectly) an "idiot" or not..
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
i was writing an email.. (its 4am) and i was looking at the tv while i was typing (which i do often) and i guess my hand moved over, and when i wanted to type: "did you go.."
i instead ended up typing:
"dud tiy gi"
just thought it might be fun to read something less than serious..
Monday, December 9, 2002
ohh yeah, and the mosquito bites on my shins have acquired a nice purple tone.. a bit concerning.. i hope it doesnt mean i have something graver than it may seem..
i picked at the thing in my foot, only to discover it had not been a thorn in my foot, but, rather, a piece of glass. i had a piece of glass incrusted in my foot, and something else in the other, which i could not find out what it was. i think the one that had had the glass is now a bit infected, or still healing, because it still bothers me a bit. i managed to remove some filth from the other cut.
the girl i told you about, seems to be improving, having reacted to external stimulus, although its not certain that it was conscious movement. i pray every day and at every meal for her improvement. i really do hope nobody has to ever live through this, whether its you, or a friend of yours. please, really, understand...
a guy once mailed me to criticize one of my posts (about gringos). he told me that i shouldnt insult people who i want to change their way of thinking. he said people dont listen when you are calling them names. i agree. and i have to now apologize to all you who felt insulted by that post yesterday. you must understand, i feel very strongly about certain things, and i am really hurt by what happened to that girl. it really upsets me to see people getting hurt by other people's negligence. it upsets me to see people doing destructive things that hurt themselves, and that hurt others, and then not caring about that, and even going so far as to dislike people who dont follow this path in life.. so again, i apologize, and ask that you understand, that i only get this riled because i care, because it gets to me, to have to see a girl in a coma due to someone thinking that something destructive is fun. i hope you dont ignore the message behind the post simply because of the high emotion i wrote it in.
Saturday, December 7, 2002
ps, if you found that post below in any way angering, ie, if you think im an idiot now (or reassured your previous belief thereof), you have a drinking problem. if you find any part of it untrue, you have a drinking problem. drinking is ultimately your decision, noone can make it for you, i hope to GOD you make the right decision.
i have something very important to say.
to all you friggin idiots who drink. all of you. this morning, 5am, a drunk driver hit 4 people at 150 km/h (100 miles an hour) one of them was a very good friend of my brother's. she is now in a coma, her brain swollen too badly to do anything. the other three were her boyfriend and his parents. they all suffered "lesser" injuries: a broken hip, leg broken in three parts, cracked skull which had to be screwed together.. among others. i was supposed to go with this girl, her boyfriend, my sister and another friend to the movies on thursday, but due to events i didnt go. now, this girl is in a coma, and doctors say the right side of her body is paralized, due to the fluid that is now in her brain. not to mention the fact that she might not even make it at all.
so, how does all this make me feel? well, it makes me want to go up to every person ive met that drinks and just plain beat them to the ground. yes, every person who drinks. you may say that that was a drunk driver, and that you dont drink and drive or whatever crap. well, i say you are still a friggin idiot. you think this man just decided one day he wanted to be a drunk driver? no. he tried a beer one day when he was young. then he got drunk for the first time. then he began drinking at every party and social event. then he made that the entire point of going to social events. and then, well, he lost control, and became a drunk, addicted to alcohol. has one drink and cant stop until he is flat drunk. soon, not even caring if there are people with him, going alone and getting drunk because he has to. and when you are drunk, your decision making skills are taxed, if not inextant. do you think that a drunk person can really consciously decide not to drive?
the man behind the wheel had a blood alcohol level of 2.7.
do not tell me you drink "to have fun". do not tell me you are a social drinker. it only takes one bad decision to screw up the lives of so many people.. and not even yours. i once heard a guy say "if you dont remember last night, it means it was fun" (referring to getting drunk) well, there is now a girl in a coma, and three people with serious injuries. and the guy? unharmed. how fun!
dont drink. dont let your friends drink.
do you know how many times ive been put down, made fun of, and generally disliked by people, because i dont drink? do you know how many things i have luckily not been involved in due to that? how many people are hurt because they got in a drunken fight? how many people are killed by drunk drivers? how many people now have diseases due to their inscrutinous sexual involvment (sex, making out, etc) with others? 90% of people infected by HIV do not know it. "if you dont remember what you did last night, it was fun". 10 years later you are dependent on expensive drugs just to keep you alive. and sometimes, nothing happens to you. and since you cant remember what you did, you cant be aware of which lives you ruined, or took, last night.
personally, i rather be put down by everyone i meet for not drinking, than there even being a possibility of any of that happening. drinking is not fun. i tried it when i was younger, and it wasnt. i have more fun pulling out glass from my foot that i stepped on while walking barefoot on a recently tarred road at the beach, than drinking. and drinking doesnt make you more fun to be around, it makes you act stupid, which isnt fun, or funny. your friends dont like you not drinking? get new friends, or make them understand, lest they get themselves killed, or kill someone else. have you ever thought that someone else might even be you? a loved one?
before you disregard everything in these paragraphs repeating to yourself "he's such a freak, its not like that, im controlled.. im a social drinker" think of this: there is a girl who is now in a coma, who does not deserve to be. next time you put a drink to your mouth, you think of that.
Friday, December 6, 2002
update on my bodily situation.. while my "tan" is still a bit on the red side, its not painful.. i burn hard.. that means that i dont wear sunblock or anything.. and i dont get burned.. last time i wore sunblock was also the last time i got sunburned.. so now i dont wear any, and i also dont get burned.. plus, wearing that stuff is bad for you, and the sun is good for you.. so long as you dont lie in the sun all day frying like that fried ice cream you can get in mexico which i hear is delicious! anyhooze, hopefully i will have a nice tan by tomorrow.. my feet, as i discovered moments ago, still has some specks of tar, and a thorn.. which makes walking painful.. ima go pull it out as soon as i press send.. i also discovered my legs are laced with large insect bites, which, i would otherwise guess are mosquito bites.. except they are huge and i dont remember half of them! i do however remember the night we were out when they were stinging.. man, it felt like the mofers were chewing!! seriously i have never felt so much pain from a mosquito taking a bite before! seriously, it was.. odd.. anyhooze, there was also one last injury that i got today from being slapped around and tossed about by the waves in the sand clouded water.. and as a result of the thrashing around of me, salt water, sand, and baggy yet rough swim trunks, resulted in my chafing my inner thighs.. and it hurt like a mother! but i think its ok now.. ohh great.. i just found that i have another thorn in my foot and a cut in the other.. sooo.. now i have to go pull it out.. s'painful.. ill keep you posted as to my condition.. fer now.. i have to run and get this thorn out of my paw... err.. foot.. or.. no yeah, foot.. um.. ok.. bye (i just realized i wrote about the thorn twice.. thats what happens when you write then stop, watch tv, chat, and then continue writing.. i need sleep.. )
and i have a new chickie
in the chickies
section.. do check it out
also, my legs are full of large insect bites..
ohh, and i'm back from the beach!! yay!! i have a nice maroon (not to be confused with "moron") tone to my skin (hey, if i was a cartoon, i'd be a "maroon cartoon"!! :D).. i also have my feet cut up, burned and tarred.. yes, just as you heard.. i was walking around barefoot most the time.. i didnt want to wear shoes and i forgot my sandals (which i call "chanclas") somewhere.. i dont even konw if i still have.. and i didnt like the sandals they sold over there so i just ended up walking barefoot all over.. and, well, usually its ok.. but, thing is, they were repaving the road there.. and we had to cross it to get to the beach.. so i crossed it barefoot once (or twice) right after they had tarred it and layered it with rocks.. so when i got back to the room, and whiped the dust off my feet i realized i had little stones stuck with black tar to the soles of my feet.. so i tried washing them off.. no luck.. i tried scraping them off.. no luck.. WHAT IN THE HAIL?? as any of you who have had tar on your skin know, that stuff is hard to get off! so i think i still have a few stains.. then theres also the fact that i walked on hot sand and road and etc.. so my feet became a bit sensitive.. and then yesterday i was walking back to my room and the path had some jagged rocks which i inadvertently stepped on.. yeah.. ouch.. and then today i stepped on some more.. and then on the way back from the beach i stood on something that just really hurt too much.. i had a thorn wedged into the skin on my poor toe.. so under a tap, i removed it. my feet now ache. i think understandably so..
also, the waves were pretty good, and i had taken the boogie boards (i think they also go by other names, but thats whats written on the board) and everytime i left it back at the room, the waves seemed great, so i ran back to get it. when i came back, the waves had usually died down. yesterday, though, the story was different. the waves were great, i had the board and i went in.. i went in deeper to get some better waves.. lots of surfers there.. at one point, i looked over at all of them, and they were all facing deep sea, all sitting on their boards bobbing in the sea.. it was truly beautiful.. had i had my waterproof camera with me.. it would have made such a great picture.. it was beautiful..
so i was now waiting for a wave.. realizing none seemed to be "happening.. man" and, well, my swim shorts were really baggy, and these boards, unlike surf boards which have a very slick surface, have great drag (and by "drag" i mean "friction" not that it dresses like a girl!), and.. the current was pulling back.. it was the wrong mix of all the wrong ingredients.. i had gone a bit in the sea to "get some good waves" apparently, i didnt notice the current.. and soon enough all the surfers were swimming back and i was just going further in.. at one point, i was the farthest person in.. "hmm... i should start heading back.." so i started paddling back.. i was quite a ways away from the beach.. but i kept going in, no matter how hard i tried.. i got off the board and tried swimming.. nothing.. i tried paddling and kicking while on the board, but i just kept getting water in my mouth.. hmm.. what to do.. this thing was pulling me into deep sea.. and i couldnt fight the current.. and if i was to wait for a change it current, i would have to exercise my patience... for 6 hours.. i could have done it.. course, i didnt want to.. so one of the surfers spotted me splashing around like a dork.. "you ok there?" "im kinda struggling.." (stupid baggy shorts making it impossible to swim) i kept trying and trying.. he asked me again.. "strong current!" i said.. so he pulled me a bit.. "ok, try swimming on from here.. " so i did.. i kept getting pulled back.. so then another guy tried pulling me forward, and then the other guy was also helping.. they pulled me into the area where most of the surfers were.. from there i tried paddling to shore.. man... it took quite an effort.. when i got back to shore i was exhausted.. but glad to be back, as opposed to somewhere in the middle of the ocean.. waiting in the dark for the tide to change.. hahah.. ohh dear.. what is it with me and having stuff like that happen to me wherever i go? hahah.. i wonder what will happen to me when i go to africa...
They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
you wont believe your eye.. eye..
Blitz: Start=>Run, type in "command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
J0E: ok 1 sec, this better not screw up my pc
Blitz: it wont
J0E: omfg, its deleting!
Blitz: no, its scanning
J0E: it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect
[image not available from server, so i just removed the link]
Tuesday, December 3, 2002
is out!!! whoa!!! and it looks amazing!! smaller, packed, still more features, and even MORE standards complied with! screenshot
well, i dont know about you, but Im going to the beach 'marrah.. so you can take that, wrap it, and put it in your FRIGDE!!!! *angered*
-click here to read a short bio of insaner-
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