myblog -march '02

yet another improvement in the look of the site.. you like?

cooking with chef insano

spirale tricolore alla insano:

ingredients:

150 grams spirale tricolore pasta

1 tablespoon butter

2 heads of garlic

2 tablespoons salt

150 milliliter peanut oil

1 cup milk

2 tablespoons apricot marmalade

2 tablespoons mustard (dijon preferred)

1 can of tomato pulps

50 grams or so of paysan raw salami (any fatty raw meat should do)

10 grams mature swiss cheese (your choice)

serves one person

instructions:

start up by boiling 1 liter of water with salt and 50ml peanut oil in a 6 liter pot. set the two stoves on max and place 50ml peanut oil on a pan. as you wait for the water to boil, cut up the meat and prepare the garlic to be crushed. once the water is boiling pour the entire contents of the 150 grams of pasta into the pot and let it cook, do not seal it completely with the lid. place the garlic onto the pan and watch it burn to a crisp because you forgot you set it at max and peanut oil doesnt boil even at that setting. dump the entire contents and clean the pan. set the stove to the middle setting (if out of 6, set it to "3") and place the oil and a new crushed garlic into the pan and frantically throw the meat into it hoping the garlic wont burn again. add one tablespoon apricot marmalade to the pan at this moment. let it simmer and gently mix the contents. add 2 tablespoons mustard. tend to pasta as the lid fell shut and is now spewing out the boiling oily water onto the stove and kitchen counter. leave the lid off for a while and set the stove from the max setting to a medium setting. open the can of tomato pulps in a rush to realize you dont have to use it. leave the can open. begin to add half a cup of milk to the contents in the pan and let it simmer, mix it gently from time to time. place the lid on the pot again so the pasta cooks. as soon as the sauce has begun to reach a creamy consistency add the second tablespoon of apricot marmalade and mix gently. at this point decide to dice up some of the cheese you were eating while you cooked into small cubes and throw them into the sauce. mix until the cheese has completely melted away into the sauce and add the rest of the milk, slowly mixing the sauce. wait until the pasta is al dente and proceed to strain the pasta removing all the water from the pot and doucing the pasta with cold tap water in the strainer. strain out all the water from the pasta and put it back into the empty pot and add 1 tablespoon butter and mix until completely melted. put the pot back on the stove and turn off. place the lid on the pot. continue simmering the sauce until a rich creamy consistency has been reached and prepare to serve! pour the sauce directly over the pasta and enjoy!

click here to drool indefinately (or something like that..).. or click here

one more.. come on.. as if you are not enjoying this

*drools*

im working on a plausible new look to www.insaner.com.. if it is werks and i like it, the site might go for yet another tune up.. imagine..

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".

i really need to goto sleep right now...

ohh boy are we going to be seeing a few changes here and there around www.insaner.com.. *gets all giddy*

get linux on 2 cds for only $4!!!

microsucks' o/s of choice? UNIX!!

fake ads piss me off.. i mean.. yeah, you know...

wait, i think i just remembered one of the dreams i had today. hahah DOOD! yeah, i just remembered!! so heres what occured:
basically i was with some friends doing something, dont ask me what, but we somehow ended up in this arena where there were tons of people forming a line.. i guess they were all looking for a job or something, but the thing is that they were in the arena! and the line of people.. ohh wait, that reminds me, i should say "queue".. (*winks at bob*) so the queue of people flowed around this arena going up on this ramp, located at the center of the arena, and down it, and curving back and next to the wall.. it was really weird. it was just this massive amount of people about my age (well, minus the highlander years anyways..) forming a queue in an arena to get a job. and apparently, the standards were really high, cuz a lot of people were being rejected. and since, well, you know me, i wasnt looking for a job, i was just sort of there making my friends some company.
so i decided to break out of the queue, and just then some lady started announcing that those who werent there looking for a job, should get out of the queue. and i thought, "well, that was weird, and yet, you know, a good idea to say" . there also happened to be this large screen displaying something, you know, like they have in stadiums and stuff.. im not sure what they were displaying exactly, but it just happened to be there.
i remember the whole dream seemed to be really brown, ie, everything was a shade of brown, it must have been due to the color of the dirt in the arena.. but it was really interesting. so i broke off the line, and i started looking around aimlessly, and then i happened to be walking around the concrete part of the arena, (the part that made up the wall, which was at a higher level than the arena) and this guy came upto me and started asking me stuff, like an job interview, as we walked along.. and its funny, because i still wasnt sure what the jobs they were offering were, and as we walked i remember seeing bulls running around and people running after them, and then the bulls threatening with their horns, as if they wanted to hurt someone!! eventually i realized the guy was interviewing me to work as a bull wrangler!! of all things!!! so i eventually said ok, but i asked him how much i would be making, to which he responded "50 bucks" and i said "yeah ok.." and i remember thinking how dangerous a job this was, and whether i would get medical coverage or what.. hahah.. so i got a job!! and you know, its not that i refuse to have a job, its just that i dont want to get one.. i've had a job.. becuase i was offered it, and it wasnt an immoral job (except for that one thing.. ehh i mean, hahah, who wants ice cream!?!?), so i took it.. basically if i get a job offer, without any strings attached (ie, i dont have to sign a contract, i dont have to work for them for the rest of my life.. etc..) i will prolly take it.. unless, you know, its immoral, or.. well, its working for nike making a dollar a day... wait, how did i get to talking about all this when i was supposed to be writing about my dream?? "ohh beave'..."

alright, i am now going to fix up www.insaner.com, get ready for prime time, ohh havent you heard? the site is now famous! more details later.. but for now, its time to get to fixing the content up..
had some weird dreams lately, not weird enough to be "blog worthy".. but perhaps i might slap some up on here.. i do apoligize for how boring the blog has become, what with me bitching all the time, but i promise to go on a trip or something or get into some trouble to spice things up in here a little.. pfff.. yeah right, as if i would have to go looking for trouble to find some.. ill prolly just go on a trip and then something will indoubtably happen and ill write about it here..
trust me, there may soon be a little surprize in here.. *wink*

ohh man, this is just sooo sweeet!! im running linux (redhat 7.0) 2.2.16, gnome as my desktop manager, enlightenment 0.16.4 as my window manager and mozilla 0.9.5 as my browser.. and everything is just soooo.. pretty!!!!

if you liked toy story, toy story 2, a bugs life and/or monsters inc., all pixar movies, then maybe you should know that the computers (mainframes) at pixar, run linux... well well.. say "thank you linux".. you're welcome...

ever sat in front of a screen for soo long that your eyes start to swell and tear up? well, its happening to me now.. not that ive sat in front of the screen for too long, its just that my monitor has been screwing up.. and i dont have one of those radiation guard things.. so now i look like im stoned... and considering how i already look like a junkie (thanks, al cho) well, just imagine my state..

ohh man, life is smiling at me. i feel good.. and i knew that i would now. not only are things going better around here, but today i had ice cream!! ohh man.. and it was soo good too.. ahhh.. *smiles*

today i may be declared officially happy again.. *does a little dance*

so i just saw "the royal tenenbaums" (i hope i got the title right) and let me just say, this was an excellent movie. if ghost world was the movie to see in 2001, then "the royal tenenbaums" is the movie to see for 2002. this movie was just sooo good..
also, today we found out where the trendy "hang out" places are.. nice to know.. and in a few weeks i will have the house all for myself.. (well, at least the apartment) for a whole week or so.. who knows.. perhaps i will throw a party and invite EVERYONE!!! which would amount to pretty much.. nobody. ohh well.. its the thought that counts.. isnt it?

dont forget to note that the blog's new path is now www.insaner.com/blog and not "www.insaner.com/blog.html" i think its much more practical that way.. dont you??

you like? i made the face thing myself, what i actually did is get the face from a classphoto and got one of my ex-classmates' face and did some color adjusting, and then slapped it onto a 3D head that i modelled up, and then animated it.. hahah.. i think it looks cool.. hey, that could be one of the first few vote things.. (and yes, i am working on the vote script)

i've been wanting to find a way to get pumped up, you know, all muscular and stuff, and i recently got this in the mail, and i thought i should share:

I thought I would let you, my friends, in on a little secret I've found for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish to adopt this regimen - 3 days a week works well. I start by standing outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend my arms straight out to my sides and hold them there as long as I can. After a few weeks I moved up to 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally I got to where I could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level.

am i hot or not

some random girl contacted me on this messaging service, she asked for my pic, to which i said "you first" so she did, so i did, and then she said i was "not bad".. well well.. whaddya know?? i guess im "not bad".. *does his "i'm cool" walk.. you know, the one where i shake my head from side to side like a dork..*

ohh man, today is a good day.. ahhh.. let me indulge.. ahhhh.. *lays back and smiles*

i promised and i delivered. so what do you think? is it insaner is it lava-ly? dont worry, i'll whip up a vote script soon, so you can actually show me what you think with just a button.. plus, when i get the user accounts thing up (or just started at ALL) i will have an option for users to change the colors to their heart's desire and even be able to exchange them and see how other people see www.insaner.com.. now wouldnt all that be just sooo nice? well, better get to it then.. if i am lucky, ill have that vote thing up in about two weeks or so.. just cuz im lazy.. the script itself shouldnt take me longer than a few days to get together, but.. you know.. as i mentioned before, im lazy.. as to the user-basedness of the site.. well, that should come along with the "official launch" of the site, which should be around august, which will include the removal of all those stupid popups of which i have no control (yet).. its all because im using a free host.. so.. in a few months.. you will actually be able to enjoy coming here.. imagine that.. it gives me little goose bumps all over the place.. well.. not all over the place.. but.. you know... anyhoos, do you like the design?? ohh right, vote script.. ill get right to it..

Jay: sup
BOB or something: yo j
BOB or something: howsit?
BOB or something: are you at work?
BOB or something: *snickers*
BOB or something: mmmm snickers

i dedicate this post to whoever gets it (besides myself) it'll help you understand my situation.

There’s these two monks washing in the river when they notice a scorpion drowning. One monk scooped it onto the bank and got stung. He went back to washing and again the scorpion fell in. The monk again saved the scorpion, and again got stung. The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know its nature is to sting?" "Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."

more trouble in paradise. yesterday, i wanted to take a poop during the day, but i thought, naw, its not that urgent, ill take it at night before i goto sleep. so at night, i got the urge bad.. like real bad, but then my dad was using the bathroom, to take a bath.. a hot tub kind of bath.. so it was a while before i was able to even go in.. and then when he comes out he starts telling me how i have to goto sleep now and so i went to take my medicine, and he yells at me "i said goto sleep!" and so i took my medicine and went to bed. but lets face it, i had to go. bad. i could feel it trying to come out my ears... and then at that moment my dad makes a phone call.. oh yeah, that makes sense.. i cant take a poop, but he can call his darling... well.. so after he hangs up i get out of bed and goto the bathroom. "i have to take a poop" "no! you goto sleep now! you should of thought of that before.." "well i did but i couldnt because you were in there" "no, you just want to do what you want (sound familiar?) goto sleep NOW!" so i got pissed off and went back to my room and went to bed.. of course, there was no hope of going to sleep, because i really had to go. and then, just as i was doubling over with the sharp pain to my poor internal organs... it happend... a strong urge to take a leak emerged. just as when you have been beaten to a bloody pulp and then your agressor brings his little snot-head child over to laugh at you, so was this urge to leak. i was restless.. i could feel all my organs yelling in pain, a sharp stabbing at my insides with violent fury and just knowing i couldnt go, and the only thing stopping me was my own respect for the law.. you see, i know laws are ther for a reason, i may not agree with many, but i still follow them, because disagreement is no excuse for lawlessness (you can qoute me on that one). so i obey rules. but lets face it, i needed to go.. bad (did i already mention that?) and i was in pain, literally pain. and i sure as heck wasnt going to go in my bed.. that would just be wrong. so after a while of twitching, tossing and turning, i finally decided i could not hold it back any longer and certainly not all night long.. so i went to the bathroom.. and as i finally released the contents of my large intestine into proper disposal facilites, the phone rang. not fer me of course, but for that person that lives with me. you know, the one that doesnt let me laugh, or go on trips without berzerking all over me, or demonstrate any feelings of happiness... i guess im not allowed to be happy.. i guess thats it.. eureka! (*makes an angry face at this whole crappy situation he's in and cant get out of*) so as i start wiping away, hoping it's a kleen one.. but it isnt.. so after 20+ wipes and a few yells from the one who forbids my happiness i finally get out.. feeling just so.. well.. i dont know.. place your choice adjective to describe how i might be feeling to not be allowed to be happy, to laugh, to take a poop, to sneeze (did i fail to mention how i had a sneeze attack and then he yelled at me to stop sneezing? yeah well, he did.. im not allowed to sneeze either..) or to go out and do something positive for myself.. so what is your choice adjective?

im working on a new revamp on the look of www.insaner.com.. i would have completed that today.. but.. well.. you know.. the situation here isnt friendly towards my staying up till whatever time i want.. soooo.. it looks like you will just have to wait till tomorrow..

oops, did i forget to introduce that? hmm.. well, those were the dreams i had the other day, the dreams i had the day of the post where i had bob's dream up.. (how many times did i say "dream" in that last sentence?? holey shamole! (pronounced "sham 'o lee"))

A) ok so my first dream i cant remember too well, but i can remember that i dreamt that i was dreaming.. as freaky as that may sound, and in the dream (that i had in my dream) i apparently was facing a gutter of some sort, although it was way weird, because the gutter wasnt really like a gutter.. because it was sort of "fuzzy" you know, like "suede" fuzzy.. in a light brown color.. like those weird fancy car interiors.. well i dreamt i was facing a brown fuzzy gutter, but it wasnt that i was down on the floor facing it, it was more like the whole street was vertical, and i was leaning against it.. you know? well.. i agree, it was weird... but not only that, i also seemed to be unable to breath and was gasping for air.. but you know, i couldnt.. and so then i woke up (into the first dream) and thought, "ohh good, that was just a dream.." and then the phone rang and i woke up.. and thought "holey!!!" and then went to answer the phone..
when i went back to sleep i had another dream.
ii) the second dream was a bit more fanciness.. one word: "alessandra ambrosio" yes sir! well it is waayyy more complex than that.. plus it has some very disturbing events as well.. well, at least disturbing to me.. (you'll see what i mean..)
ok, let me see if i can remember it correctly.. usually i cant remember the correct chronology of events, you know, since most of the time it isnt an issue within the dream.. well, the first part (which includes the ambrosioness) was a dream that ive had once before.. but when i had it, i didnt know who alessandra ambrosio was or had even ever heard of her (she wasnt famous at the time).. ok, enough beating around the bush, here's the dream:
it starts (i think) with me sitting there on the floor near some doorway.. and alessandra (can i call her the ambrosio factor??) had her leg propped up against the edge of the doorway. just then this little baby.. a little cute baby toddler thing walks up to the doorway, and then the ambrosio factor pushes it away from her so it doesnt touch her leg.. you know, as a means of "protecting" her beautiful leg from this toddler who might have came into contact with it.. so the baby tumbles over and falls, it doesnt cry or anything but the mom and i rush to its care.. and when i look at its face (it was a "he" in case you wanted to know..) it's all bruised up and cut. i find this appalling, so i proceed to lecture the ambrosio factor on how looks arent everything and that she could have been a waitress and still be worth the same that she is now. she seems to be upset by all this and i guess she was sorry about having done what she did. i think the mom had begun to get all violent and i had stopped her, she was yelling and i think waving her fist at the ambrosio factor. at some point the dream changed and suddenly i was in this ballroom-type hotel. my dad was sitting at some table with that lady that in the previous part of the dream had been the mother of the poor baby. they were having a meal (romantic?) and i was just there. i wasnt actually sitting at the table, i was just standing around, admiring how cool the place looked. there were these winding stairs of a golden color (and yes, i clearly remember it being "golden") it was really interesting to see the predominant yellow color in this "scene". i also think i saw some waiter and the ambrosio factor appearing.. but i cant say im sure of it. then suddenly i was at the second level, i would call it the "gallery", but it was more like just me at the top of the stairs looking down. i then had to resort to the bathroom, which, conveniently (how conveeeenient) was the room i had just walked into, since i had a.. well.. "medical" problem.. apparently, my balzac (also known as "scrotum", but i dont like that term.. its too.. i dont know..) had become detached! (how this managed to occur, i have no idea) and well, i was holding it in my hand, and my pants were open (ie, unzipped) and i entered and then noticed these two cleaning ladies there.. for some reason i expected them to.. well.. leave.. you know? give a man some privacy!! but, well, cleaning ladies have a habit of not, and so i was stuck with tending to my privates in public (how's that for an oxymoron!! ten points for me..). so for some reason i had needed to clean my balzac, so i put it under the tap and washed it with some soap, dont forget it was detached! and so i could (in real life now) actually feel how i was cleaning my poor detached balzac, and these two ladies were just staring at me.. and all i could think of was: "how did this happen???" and then i woke up.

there was another dream, but i cant remember if it was part of one of the above or just another dream, what i can remember is that there was a point where there was someone who had just been too evil at someone or something to that extent, which made me lose it and i got incredibly enraged. so much so that i began yelling at them, but yelling soo psychotically that my voice suddenly got all deep and i started frothing at the mouth!! now imagine me yelling in an almost demonic voice, frothing at the mouth, enraged beyond belief.. and then goto sleep...

codename:noga(21:49 PM): geez...it's like a sauna and i didn't put on any deodorant today...i STINK bad, man
(...)
insaner(21:49 PM): ohh DOOD that would be SOOO cool!!!
(...)
codename:noga(21:49 PM): what would be cool?
insaner(21:50 PM): notice how girls NEVER stink?? well you do, and guys never get to say that theyve smelled a girl who reaked
insaner(21:50 PM): or is it "reeked"?
(...)
codename:noga(21:51 PM): no idea.....i ALWAYS think i stink but when i ask a guy to smell me..he never noticed it..and it's not just them being nice and saying i don't stink when i really do..my friends don't do that
codename:noga(21:52 PM): i think girls just never stink in comparison to guys
insaner(21:52 PM): hahhah.. now THERES a thought
insaner(21:53 PM): considering the pestilence i am sometimes able to culture.. its nice to know that a girl will never smell that bad
codename:noga(21:54 PM): i mean..this one time i was really awful-smelling and a classmate was curious so i let him smell me right in the epicenter and he said he didn't pick up on any stench....but my feet do smell really bad sometimes
insaner(21:55 PM): hahhah.. now THAT i believe, if only cuz you have really long toes (as if it has any relation)
codename:noga(21:55 PM): i should really get used to putting some talcum powder on them....
codename:noga(21:56 PM): people HAVE picked up on that smell
insaner(21:56 PM): ewwww
insaner(21:56 PM): hahahah
codename:noga(21:56 PM): btw...girls CAN smell very bad just that most of them are very self conscious and they don't let themselves smell bad...
insaner(21:58 PM): which is very VERY good
codename:noga(21:58 PM): i guess...i for one don't particularly care what i smell like...unless flies start to fall to the ground when i walk by...then i start to wonder
insaner(21:59 PM): hahahah...
insaner(22:00 PM): i usually use the term "bleaching flowers".. but yours is good too
insaner(22:00 PM): thumbs up!
codename:noga(22:00 PM): although..that would be cool because then mosquitoes would never bite me......hmmm
insaner(22:01 PM): true true.. do they?
codename:noga(22:01 PM): yeah..i'm very sweet......as if you hadn't noticed
insaner(22:02 PM): ....
codename:noga(22:02 PM): ah..shut up (see how sweet i am?)
insaner(22:03 PM): man, i can feel my abs because the contents of my stomach are so voluminous that they are pushing the stomach walls outward and hence i have a bloated muscular stomach

oh man, if you want to learn about any country, i suggest you visit world travel guide.. seriously, i was amazed at how in-depth they research each country..

i knew it!!!

i couldnt believe this! just enter your details to search the database for your baby picture at nurseryphotos.com

im sorry, i was going to write two of the dreams i had today, but for some reason, time escaped me, and due to the current conditions, i now have no say as to when i must hit the hay (quite the poet he is, isnt he?) so i have been commanded to sleep at this time, leaving me no time to fully type out the dreams.. ohh well, tomorrow shall be.. and as if bob's dream wasnt enough to last you through the day.. i mean.. come on!!

The Salic Law (ca. 500 A.D.; English translation).. notice how the "value" of women decreases once she can't bear children... ohh laws..

today i got a paper cut. not so exciting, i know, but it was freaky to later realized that i had bled from it.. i mean, how often do you get to say that you got a paper cut and saw a little streak of dry blood a while after?? not too often, huh? (i would have said "eh?" but, well.. you know.. hahaha) in any case, its even weirder how it happend to get there.. so the events unfolded thus: i was shoving all the plastic bottles into my bag, because i was running late to go drop them at the recycling place. and since we have to partially crush them to make them take up less space, the labels usually slack. so, in my rush, when i came to pull my hand out of my bag after stuffing one of the bottles in, my ring finger caught one of the edges of the label and proceeded to give me the dreaded papercut. sure, it stung a bit, but all paper cuts do, so i didnt give it much thought. but as i was walking down the hill towards my intended destination, what do i notice? well well, what are you doing here mr little-blood-trickle? and yes, i had a little shocker of a gash (well.. no, not a "gash" but.. well.. there was blood, and any blood was a lot more than what i would expect from a papercut!) "i'll be alright drill sargeant! it's just a fleshwound, SIR!"

bob had a dream, and he told it at me, and i will postificate it at here of (thats insane inglish by the way):

ok so the part where i remember started at this ski hill and i was there with a bunch of people from school. so the weird thing is that i have skis with me, but no boots. so anyway, i get on the ski lift, but instead of having it like 3 or 4 people it was for like 8 people all sorta sitting together! so i get on and ride it to the top and then get off and grab my skis. then i was like holding my skis with my hands trying to ski with them on my hands because i had no boots. so then it sorta switches to them being on my feet. but by the time i got them on my feet i just happened to be on a double black diamond run, which, if you don't know is like insane!!!. so finally i get to the bottom and i was like, "mem, this sucks mem" so i go inside the chalet thingy. it was like this small restaurant thing and i sat at the counter and this girl brought me this REALLY DELICIOUS drink.. and you know, i could actually TASTE it in my dream. it was in this cup that was about the size as like 3 shot glasses and it had this brown semi-opaque liquid in it with these brown sprinkles around the rim, and holey! it was delicious. so then i was talking with the bartender (because for some reason there was a bar in the restaurant, hehe) then this guy behind me starts being an idiot or something and he starts trying to pick a fight with me and i was just like trying to get him to calm down. so then i think he was indicating me to go outside with him, so i went, but not to fight, i just wanted to make things better. so then we get out there and he pulls this GUN on me! and i was like "oh crap" then for some reason he suddenly falls down and knocks himself out. so i grabbed his gun and ran inside and told them to call the police because he had a gun. so then the police came and for some reason it was just me and that guy sitting in the back of the car. then he's like being all sympathetic to me for some reason and he's like "here take this for while i am in jail" then he reaches into his coat and pulls out like 3 more handguns and a shotgun!!!! and i was like "ok, but i am not giving them back when you get out" and he agreed. so i got out of the car and then i was at this chalet from this ski hill that my parents used to own. and not only that, but i used to think that the place was haunted. so i go inside, and by this time it is the middle of the night. so i get in and everything is pitch black, although i can hear people moving around in the next room. so i go into that room and nobody is there and i was like "oh crap!" so i heard them in the next room, which had this stairwell to get upstairs. so i went in there and saw this blurry thing running up the stairs, so i followed it and got up to the top room and then i saw this ghost! it was this little girl that was like 5 years old and she had the most BRIGHT blue eyes! they just looked amazing! and so i went up to her and i was like "hi"
her: "i just saw god"
me: "what did he look like?"
her: "like a puppet" (i KNOW!!)
and then at that point i got all scared and woke up!

"bob" (23:01 PM): you know, if you ever feel bad, just think of all the JOY that broccoli brings people. then you will be happy!

several things, but i will separate them into different posts.. mmkay?
first thing: i was returning home a while ago (it is night) and as i approached my residence, i look in this car that happend to catch my eye, and AHHH!!! on the back seat, being hit by a stray ray of light from the street lamp, i see what seems to be tiny human fingers poking inside a clear plastic bag!!!! ahhhhhh!!!!! freaked me out a second and realized it was just a really really lifelike dummy (or something to that extent, since the head wasnt visible, which was one of the factors leading to my freaking out.. you know, since had i seen the head, it would have been obvious..) that was lying on the back seat of a car with a clear-cloudy plastic bag over it.. and with the light from the street hitting it the way it did, it was just too.. well.. freaky.. isnt that freaky mem?

ok.. look carefully at this image.. but i mean carefully, turn off whatever music you have on, the tv or whatever is making unnecessary noise... you should be able to hear something in the background... now tell me if you see whats wrong with the pic... it took me a while.. but i eventually got it..

ohh dood did i have psychotic dreams this morning... holey! in the last one it was like i was in some video game.. and not just a normal video game, one approaching that of counter strike or something like that, and the point was to build this (insanely powerful) tank, and i guess use it against the other team.. but you had to collect the pieces without getting killed (in the game of course.. it was like really dying, but then the game started again..) it was really crazy.. i got killed some 3 times or i think more.. i just kept getting captured and then trying to escape and getting shot for it.. hahahh.. ohh me... i also managed to kill 1 or 2 guys.. one i slit his throat, you know, since i ran out of ammo.. and all i had was a knife.. ok ok.. very gruesome stuff.. but hey, it was just a dream.. ok?

i cant believe what a crappy mood im in.. i really need something to cheer me up.. i wish i was near my friends.. this is so of the ucks..

so another thing i think i should mention is the fact that my dad does not allow me to laugh... shocking? not to me. whenever i laugh or something (not including when i laugh alone or to myself) my dad always says "ok.. that's enough.." yeah i know..
i was just thinking about my current situation.. and i came up with a new phrase to describe it..

the problem is not how much urine is in the soup..

so basically, if stuff just keeps happening, stuff keeps aggravating you and people say "how can you handle so much?" you say: "its not how much urine is in the soup.." and people will be like "yeah, i know what you mean.."

science at its best...

just saw monsters ball.. it was a very good movie, and the beginning rang some very very familiar bells.. and ohhh baby is halle berry fine.. strictly physically speaking? she is perfect. but, anyhoo back to the movie, yeah, it was very good, except it had a bunch of unnecessary sex scenes.. as amof, at times i just felt like i was watching some dirty porno.. which i dont enjoy doing.. i rather feed rat poison to little babies than have to sit through a porn movie..(hahahahah as if i would really feed rat poison to babies.. they arent that gullible.. i mean, after two or three times they start to realize something's up.. and dood, they may drool half the time, but those suckas are no fools.. )

i was looking at some site when the following thought occured to me..

"when building a treehouse, who needs nails when you have a whole roll of duct tape calling your name?"

for all those of you wondering "what ever happened to www.picrave.com??" well.. i did some research and apparently they are doing some renovating, and the idiots took the site down while they were at it.. pfff.. so until they put it back up.. well.. it will stay down i guess.. *gives you a very puzzled look and then shrugs*

what about... rice and sushi?

what happens when chicken and rice are left unattended? this does

ohh abd btw, no, i am not a mormon..

i cant believe how sad ive been lately.. half the time i feel like just giving up on the world.. all i need to do is see my dad and i start to feel like everything is crumbling beneath my feet.. and then he starts bossing me around telling me what "has to be done" and how he doenst want me to be friends with those mormon missionaries (who happen to be my only friends here) and all this other crap.. and i just dont feel like putting up a fight anymore, i havent been sleeping well for the last 9 days.. ive been having crappy dreams (not nightmares, just dreams i would rather not be having) and all those things i like to do, i cant.. i have to go to sleep early, so i dont get anything done.. since i am only productive at nights.. when it is calm and there are no distractions.. i havent been able to chat at most my friends and family, since they are all several time zones away.. and you know, my dad seems to be way happy.. stuff with his gf is going great, he has no more trouble with me, and you know, yesterday i finally understood why he keeps me here.. you wanna know why? well, i'll tell you anyways.. i am an economic bargaining chip against my mom.. thats right, you see, my parents are divorced (as you may already have guessed) and so my dad had to pay alamoney.. but.. he never raised the amount, as, by law, he should have done every year.. so my mom took legal action and now for him to leave that country he needs release papers from my mom. yes, i know... so, he still hasnt raised it, because he doesnt agree with it.. and so now his excuse is that since I am living here with him it sort of "evens out" and he doesnt need to pay the greater amount.. you know, since he has to "take care" of me.. so thats all i am to him.. a partner and an economic/legal bargaining chip.. thats really great..
so as i was saying.. my dad is now very happy.. he whistles all the time.. and all i can think of is "well duh youre happy, youve sucked all the happiness out of me and kept it for yourself!!" and its true.. heh.. i am soo tapped out.. i keep getting bad news after bad news after bad news.. no one is treating me nice, and.. well.. its wearing me down.. emotionally.. im going to be leaving here soon.. ohh and by the way, i didnt get that job that i was applying for.. (im not sure if i mentioned that here) i had basically said "if i get that job, ill take it, but i dont want a job, so if i am forced to take one (which i am) im leaving".. and so, that is what i am faced with, since i cant learn the language anymore.. and i cant get into university, and even if i wanted to, cant get a job either... where i am going.. only the LORD knows... and even in the worst of situations, i feel alright, because i trust completely in HIM.. and it always works out fine.. why do you think i am finally out of that depression i used to be in?? i may be sad now.. and i may feel like crap, but im in no depression..

do you find it strange when you see someone's picture and there is a clock in plain view?? to me its baffling.. it makes me feel like the clock is a "clue" to something.. you know? it makes me want to figure out what it means, what it is supposed to "reveal" about the rest of the pic..

ok, i apologize for the temporary "downness" of my site.. apparently the server was not working or i dont know what for a little while.. but its back up (was it ever truly "down"?) so here are a few posts that i was going to get up while it was down... in the sense that i will post them after this one..

should i have spelled that "tausant"?

HOLEY BAKESALES!!! my chickie section has over one TAUSAND hits!!!!

"Very funny Scotty, now beam me down my clothes..." - Kirk

i cant believe how horrible the menu looks in netscape 4.(whatever ver i am using.. i sort of lost track of which one i have installed since it doesnt know what it is if you have two diff vers installed.. it might be 4.75 or 4.18.. in any case, it looks horrible) so i must get to fixing that soon.. like "this week" soon

do you like the colors? i find them quite soothing.. mmmmm... relaxation... estonia.. ohh wait, im getting carried away...

woohoo!! i hope you noticed that i got a visitor from estonia.. all is well with the world... mhhmm... heres the browsers result.. thumbs up to all you opera users.. woot!

Browsers
1	Internet Explorer 5.x	35.5 %
2	Netscape 4.x	25.8 %
3	Opera 6.x	12.9 %
4	Internet Explorer 6.x	12.9 %
5	Internet Explorer 4.x	9.7 %
6	Opera 5.x	3.2 %
	Total	100.0 %

official stats for the site (well at least the index) are in:

Country of origin

1. United States 156 25.5 % 2. Switzerland 152 24.9 % 3. Costa Rica 87 14.2 % 4. United Kingdom 38 6.2 % 5. Canada 37 6.1 % 6. Germany 20 3.3 % 7. Netherlands 12 2.0 % 8. Australia 8 1.3 % 9. Belgium 4 0.7 % 10. France 3 0.5 % 11. Saudi Arabia 3 0.5 % 12. China 2 0.3 % 13. Sweden 2 0.3 % 14. Brazil 2 0.3 % 15. Portugal 2 0.3 % 16. Kuwait 2 0.3 % 17. New Zealand (Aotearoa) 2 0.3 % 18. Spain 2 0.3 % 19. US Commercial 2 0.3 % 20. Network 2 0.3 %

21. Korea (South) 2 0.3 % 22. Argentina 2 0.3 % 23. Ireland 1 0.2 % 24. Chile 1 0.2 % 25. Slovenia 1 0.2 % 26. Italy 1 0.2 % 27. India 1 0.2 % 28. Oman 1 0.2 % 29. Thailand 1 0.2 % 30. Puerto Rico 1 0.2 % 31. Iran 1 0.2 % 32. Iceland 1 0.2 % 33. Austria 1 0.2 % 34. Japan 1 0.2 % 35. Singapore 1 0.2 % 36. Panama 1 0.2 % 37. Malaysia 1 0.2 % 38. Estonia 1 0.2 %   Unknown 53 8.7 %   Total 611 100.0 %

this is the saddest time of my life.. i cant believe it.. and you know whats funnier still? i am finally out of that depression i had been in all my life.. i was finally able to say that i was truly happy, and now this goes and happens all over it.. heh.. and its not a depression either, i truly have a motive to be sad... its just so.. well.. yeah, you know.. its crap.. at least i know ill be ok..

ok, todays dream.. ho-lay was it weird.. appearances by my brother, my sister and my dad.. ok, it begins so: at first i was standing there with my dad in front of what seemed to be a body of water.. i think at first it might have been the sea, but it later turned out to be a pool.. in any case, during the beginning it was still the sea, and my brother was standing in it and pointing and yelling that there was a dolphin there, and that we should pet it.. but i was aware of the fact that some dolphins have been known to have a violent nature, so i advised against it. i then walked up there and noticed that the sand bar suddenly dipped (meaning it was waay deeper there) at one point, and that was where the dolphin was swimming.. and then it swam past us and we noticed that "ohh whats this?" it was a shark!! and we all yelled "ohh no, its a shark!" and my sister was in the pool (yes, this is where it becomes a pool) and she was swimming there with her floaties (ahh the good ole days.. *sigh*) and started swimming like a psycho freak.. and i yelled back at her not to splash the water around because the shark would be attracted to her.. (aaaay!) and she was just yelling and what not, and somehow she managed to get out.. and so then i walked over around the edge of the pool to where there was something like a small area and i guess it was a slide, or something to that extent, in any case, it was something i could grab on to.. and i dipped my big toe in the water.. where the shark was... (yah, i know.. what was i thinking??) and, surely enough, the shark grabbed hold of my toe. ouch. so i kept trying to slowly pull my toe free (you know, out of the sharks mouth.. and i could feel the teeth piercing my skin, and the weight of the shark as i was trying to pull my foot up.. and the shark just wouldnt let go and kept trying to pull me down into the water.. and i kept trying to pull my foot out, but carefully, so i didnt get my toe ripped off.. eventually i got tired and held the shark in a lock, wrestling-style and applied pressure to the side of its head (or something like that.. ohh and dont ask me how i managed to do all this while it had my toe firmly clasped between its sharp teeth..) and it just let me go.. and then we just went home.. and i can remember the end of the dream being me walking along barefoot, on a sunny day, talking to my sister while i limped around, you know, since i had a few cuts (i KNOW!) on my big toe, due to the shark biting and holding on to it.. its crazy the kinds of things kids dream of these days..

i found it!!!!!

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -- Abraham Lincoln

is it just me, or are levis commercials the best?

here it is,
dream number A: first i was in some sort of house, and i walked into one of the rooms and one of the presidential candidates (from that other country i used to live in) told me how he wasnt going to be president.. which was weird, but then i left the house and i found myself in this perfect land where there were only "beautiful" beings and that they were all "good" and i guess in the dream it was being sort of explicative of where humans come from and then it was saying how one of the beings was "corrupted" somehow.. and realizing this was going to be the origin of man, in my subcontious i told myself this wasnt right.. and so the dream changed to it being that some of the "evil" beings had stolen a "good" being and corrupted it.. and then i ran to go find it or something and there was like a forest and cascades and all that "nice" stuff.. (imagine the kinds of scenery that appeared in "the lord of the rings movie (the fellowship one))
this land was on like a plateau of some sort, and one of the unicorns had fallen to the ground (the lower level, where the evil beings lived) and so i was on the wall standing on some mushrooms (you know, the ones that grow vertically from trees) and i wanted to pull it back up, to save it, and i got a vine to try to do that, and the unicorn couldnt get up the wall, and kept sliding on the mud, and i tried pulling it up with the vine, but i was afraid that my mushroom would give, and i would fall, and it was quite a distance down, and were i to fall, i would die.. and so i saw the evil beings pulling the unicorn down and.. well i dont know what happend to it then.. i suppose they killed it or something...
i think that then there was a raid on the plateau of goodness afterwards.. but im not sure, i began dreaming dream ii) at that point..

well well.. what do you know.. guess from whom i got a call last night?? thats right.. the family back where.. yep.. i talked to my sister and my mother.. for quite a while actually, hahahah.. and my sister kept telling me how much she cant stand how dumb blondes are.. hahah.. ohh my sister.. so yeah, it was really late at night, well not "really" late, i mean, i would have been up if it wasnt for the fact that i was commanded to goto sleep.. i was awake, but not "up".. in any case.. after i hang up, my dad was all restless and getting up and going to the bathroom and doing other stuff.. so i thought "ohh no.." and guess what, i was right.. after a while my dad barges into my room saying "i dont know what you are doing here, you should be living with your mom, the way you talk to her..." (???) "what?" "just think about what i said.." and so he goes into the bathroom and im just in my bed trying to decypher just what the who he meant by that... and then a while later he comes back and says "did you think about it?" "i have no idea what the who you are talking about" "you told your mom 'nice to hear from you'" (WTF????? if i were a violent person i would have slapped my forehead soooo many times..) he was scolding me for telling my mom it was nice to hear from her, which i did because i hadnt heard from her in months!!!! am i just being crazy here?? i cant understand this crap!!

sometimes you get little surprizes in life.. like that time we got chocolate in the mail.. (im not kidding either.. and we ate it too..) but you realize its nothing more than that.. surprizes.. i keep a "heads up", not a negative view, but i also dont "over-excite" myself about stuff.. i like to gradually set into happiness.. not just suddenly burst into it only to lose it just as suddenly..

ok, why does my dad find it soooo hard to do stuff for me?? it troubles my mind so much to have to think "why does he go out on huge expensive trips and blow off a bunch of money on my brother and sister, whereas, he finds it hard to give me stuff i need??" what am i talking about? well, nothing in general, just the fact that in the last year.. ohh yeah, bee tee double you, today i "celebrate" a whole year of having been calling this place "the place where i now live" (as opposed to "home", or, heaven forbid, "my house" (since it has been made clear that this isnt "my" house by the person whose house this is)).. as i was saying, in the last year, the only "gifts" i have received from him have been: a belt... *waits and thinks a looong time* yeah, well i guess thats it.. ohh wait.. i got drumsticks for christmas.. thats right..
but its not that i ask for a lot (or anything at all, as amof) but rather that my siblings just get sooo much (my brother got a brand new cell phone, as in, he had one before, and now he got another one.. and i have reason to believe he is also getting a car.. neither of which I could possibly ever even dream of receiving..), and i get asked sooo much from.. that it just seems unfair... i mean.. it makes me sad, really, to think that i mean nothing to him... i dont even know why he even accepted me here for soo long without kicking me out earlier.. maybe its just so he doesnt get some sort of "court action" on behalf of my mom.. or so he doesnt seem like a "bad parent" in front of the rest of his family.. but i guess now it doesnt seem to matter, because, i dont work, i dont study (and we've made clear why i havent been able to do either) so i can be ridden off as "well, he isnt a productive member of society.." so the family will see he is right, and hence not make such a big deal out of it..
i told my dad, you know, when he was telling me to get a job, get into university or get out, that if i had to leave the house, he probably wouldnt be seeing much of me in a long time.. his reaction? "and that is a threat to whom?" "to whoever takes it as one" and its true if i have to leave, i dont think ill be seeing much at all of any of my family.. not cuz i wouldnt want to, but, well, it would just be so.. if i have to leave the country to get a job, then i would be in a different country, and seeing how things currently are, you know, with none of my family ever calling to talk to me (last time my mom called to talk to me was.. well.. i cant even remember.. last year some time..) my brother did ask to talk to me the other day.. that was cool. but my sister? last time i talked to her was because my dad wasnt here when she called, so i happened to answer.. and thats why i got to talk to her. but, else, i wouldnt get to talk to her at all.. and so you may be saying: "so why the eff dont you call them".. well, i hope youve been paying attention to the situation i have here, i really do, because then you would know that i am not at that liberty, to use the phone to call long distance, and so the only solution is to goto a payphone.. and that doesnt come cheap, and due to the timezone thing, i would have to go out at night to make the call.. and lets face it, its not the safest thing to do.
so if i were to have to go out on my own, i would have to pay for everything, i would have to feed myself, pay for the place where i am to live in, pay for whatever else i may have to pay for, electric, water, heating, phone.. and if i have any money left, you know, to spend on myself, and i dont happend to need warmer clothes, then like hell im going to blow it off on something stupid (insert stupid thing to blow off my money on here). shit. thanks a lot for putting me in this situation.. a situation i did not want to be in, exactly the thing for which i wanted to take the next two years off for.. and i had said it before i left school, i said "i want to take the next two years off, i want to rest, and decide what will be of my life.." and here i am, no rest for even one measely year and now i am being pushed into "life", unprepared, unwilling.. all becuase someone decided i "have to be productive".. well, i wont be being too productive, thanks to the fact that i wasnt even able to decide what i wanted to do, and prepare for it well.. and then be "productive".. this is just soo crap.. think about it, doctors, those people who save other people's lives, arent productive for like what, twenty five years of their lives while they are studying and preparing to be doctors.. and that is the concept that I was applying.. yes, fine, so nobody saw it that way, well, thats their own stupid fault.. just cuz you dont know how a computer works, doesnt mean the computer won't work when you turn it on.. am i right? (if you said "no" click here) so to all those idiotah!s who push people into doing stuff they dont want to do, just think about what would have happend if everyone were the same, would we have any of what we have today? think about all those people who did great things for the world, because they chose to do it instead of having their parents (or whatever..) pushing them into jobs doing something "productive" instead of spending their whole days "sleeping and stuck in front of that 'damn' thing"... but, i know you wont, cuz if you thought, you wouldnt be doing it in the first place. and since you are now insulted, cuz everything that questions your actions is an insult, you may direct your anger towards >/dev/null.. ohh wait, thats right, you dont know what that is.. i do.. because i spent time in front of "that damn thing".. and besides, as if anything could affect me anymore, ive already heard the saddest thing i could ever hear in my life. when you hear any one of your parents say "i dont care if you are happy or not" all sentimentality, and feelings, for that matter, go out the window.. its the point of no return. that is when you start living for yourself, and dont care about what other people think.. i just hope NOBODY will EVER have to go through something like that.. you have no idea how painful it is..
im sorry, i just cant stop thinking about all the opportunities that i am missing out on, all the doors that are closing in my face because of this whole situation.. it just really saddens me deeply.. i dont know.. i just wish i had a loving paternal unit.. thats all..

what ever happend to gilette?

the day is approaching, it lurks behind the marshes stained by yesterday's pain and sadness.. indeed it creeps behind us, closer and closer.. and when it arrives, the tides will turn and rivers will reverse their flow.. it will all change, it will all be different and new, and yet, in a strange way, it will all be better.

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something.".. so i was going to post earlier, but.. you guessed it.. stupid winblows crashed.. and it was a really nice post too.. about some personal injury that i recently incurred.. but now, because im still so friggin' dependent on winblows crap, you are going to miss out on that one.. you have bill "pretty, bad software" gates to thank for that.. stupid poc...

just saw shallow hal.. man this movie was good!! dont expect it to be a comedy tho, and you will enjoy it even more.. plus.. lots o' chickies.. including, but not limited to: susan ward... i seriously enjoyed this movie.. there was this one scene where i was actually crying out of laughter... hahah.. see if you can spot it.. now go see it.. NOW!!!

good advice on behalf of bob:

one point of advice, never drink milk mixed with any kind of soda!