myblog -february '02

Thursday, February 28, 2002

[23:50:41]

ok, in half an hour i have to go sleep.. so, i just remembered i never said my dream of (thats bobspeak right there). so here it is.. as much as i may type out in this short half hour...

dream number A: (i just realized i wont be able to finish relating this dream in what little time i have left.. yes.. i left the first dream for last.. so what?? anyhoo, ill finish it and post it tomorrow.. ps, its the best of the three..)

dream number ii: i was sort of flirting or messing about with geri halliwell (yes, i know.. shut up) and one of my friends from my old school was all jealous but i didnt care.. cuz you know.. i was flirting.. and so then we got to this restaurant and it was really weird, this because the floor was at a very steep angle, and so all the stuff kept sliding off the tables.. and it was really weird.. there was an amphitheater in there as well.. and the waiter was being all stupid and i asked "what the who is the sense in having the floor at an angle??" and so i left cuz i wasnt being allowed a place to sit.. and then at some point i was riding in a bus for some reason or another.. ahh well..

dream number x minus one, where x is equal to two squared: i was supposed to go on this trip with some girl, i think in the dream she was my girlfriend or something.. im not sure.. but the plane was being all stupid and then they grounded the flight, so we stood in the waiting area and she was all sad so i said, "hey, who cares, lets just grab some other flight.. and go anywhere..." she pointed to the plane and mentioned how her bags were still in the plane, so i ran out to get them.. but then they turned some conveyor belt on and then the bags arrived at us (well not in that sense.. "arrive at her!!" nop.. not in that sense).. and thats when i woke up.

[23:26:46]

what is art? (yes, more quotes..):

"Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else." -- Donald Knuth

[23:22:31]

at that same site, this is what clinton said!! (12th Congressional District hopeful Bill Clinton, during Watergate):

"Yes, the president should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. Since he has admitted guilt, there is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term, the only possible solution is for the president to save some dignity and resign."

[20:26: 07 ]

found this quote on some site.. you might find it amusing.. unless you are an idiot!

"Those Greeks had nothing to do so they started measuring things"

[20:26: 07 ]

the best simpsons site

[20:26: 07 ]

ohh my brother....

sorry mr insaner, mister i do websites im really sorry im not a george foreman grill like you ok

[15:11:49]

as if cockroaches werent annoying enough, they will survive for a week without their heads.. its true! i read it on the discovery kids site

[14:42: 05 ]

i had a bunch of dreams to-morning, but i have to go out and do something first.. when i come back *previews music rolls* ...dreams about humanity, dreams about trips in airplanes and much much more... here on... www.insaner.com...

[14:36:58]

can i have one?

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

[23:22:16]

hooo man was that a looong post.. (in case you wanted to know: that last post was a total of 10,684 words and 46,275 characters..)
here are the stats for the entire trip... blogwise that is:

24 939 words
112 565 characters
71 entries over 19 days

word occurrences:
so: 480 (talk about verbal crutches...)
cool: 39 (words containing "cool")

cho: 48 (as in "al cho" (8) and "chris cho"(25))
bob: 9 (weird..)

oh: 21
ohh: 100
oh (with more than two "h"s): 3
ohh no: 11
oh-oh: 4

crap: 25
poop: 2 (surprizingly enough)

search: 16 (as in: "being searched..")

chickie: 14
girl: 31
perfect girl: 3

dood: 23
mem: 12
man: 51
freaky: 9

walk: 42 (as in.. "walking for hours")
lost: 10 (as in.. "being lost")
find: 26 (as in.. "finding my way")

and the word appearing the most on blog entries during my trip was.. drumroll please.. ok, if you dont want a drumroll...

i: 1,856 (talk about being egocentric... me: 192, you: 315)

[20:45:25]

hooo man was that a looong post.. in case you wanted to know: that last post was a total of 10,684 words and 46,275 characters..

[20:43: 08 ]

i hope you read this post before reading this one. so here it is, what happened the last week of my trip:
ok, i know some of you may be wondering where the who i am.. well.. ill tell you.. (this is going to be one looong post) so, from the beginning.
i was going off to another city, another place, i was finally getting off this island (which gave me a little security, cuz it would make it a bit easier to get back home from the mainland). i was to meet al cho and fon cho at some city i had never even heard of, and looking it up on the internet didnt help.. (yes, i know, a scary thought..) i didnt know how to get there.. and neither did al cho. (i know, i know) i tried to get him to tell me how exactly to get there, but he kept beating around the bush, saying "just catch a bus" yeah, but from where?? he never told me.. and that was because he had no idea.. very nice.. i was going somewhere i didnt know how to get to, and the person i was supposed to meet there didnt either! so i set off anyways, hoping that when i get to some main city in that country i would be able to ask how to get there and they in turn would be able to tell me. yeah, that was the hope. so i am looking at about 11 or so hours of travel.
so i set off, early in the morning (9am), get a train, and hope to arrive somewhere. the night before people had asked me "so where are you going?" "i dont know" and i didnt.. to this day.. i still dont know.. ahh, but that is the joy of travelling isnt it? not knowing where you are actually headed... having a rough idea of where you should go, but not where you will end up.. so there i was at the train station, i get on the train and start looking for a place. found one. lets go. so the train parts and the ride is really smooth, i even get a little rest by lying my head on my pillow.. at this point i start to think that people all over the world will be like "hey, remember that guy that was carrying a pillow around?" yep, that was me. and that will be my claim to fame.. at least until i become a famous opera singer.. you know, but before i have to learn how to sing opera. which reminds me, i went to an opera on that friday, my first opera to be exact, thats right, i am an opera virgin no more.. we went because it was a girl from upstairs that we knew who was starring in it.. at least i knew the girl before she popped my cherry.. (hahahahah lool!)
well anyhoo so im on the train (now you see why this is going to be really long?) and then theres an announcement (these are never good news.. but at least here i can understand what they are saying) so the guy says "we will have a little delay due to the wind" what the who?? due to the wind?? i thought this was a train so the total delay actually ended up being like 5 minutes.. not bad.. except.. well.. i needed those 5 minutes.. as a matter of fact, i really needed those 5 minutes.. when i got to the station, i ran out to the info place and asked how i would get to the other station i needed to get to (before leaving this country) and they said "ohh yeah just go to this other one" which i already knew how to get to, but i had to walk it there (ie, run.... with my bags) so i get out of there and go as fast as i can to the other station which wasnt too far away.. so i get there and i have to cross a thing where they check your tickets, i flash mine at the guy and i get to the train area only to see the train i needed to get leave... crap! ohh well.. ill catch the next one.. *looks at the train schedule* crap! ill have to wait another half hour for my train to arrive.. so i do, and it comes (late, obviously) and i get to the next station from which the train thatll take me to the "border" will leave. "when does the next train to that place arrive?" "ohh in about 45mins" "thanks" crap! more waiting.. and now its getting nice and nippy, and i start to leak out the nose.. and i mean, like my boogies just didnt like their home up in my brain and wanted to get out the nearest exit.. and as fast as possible..
so there i am.. waiting.. and eventually the train arrives.. and here comes an announcement: "the front three cars are headed to this city, and the back three cars are headed to another city" what???.. so i get on one of the front three cars (pff.. what the who??) and i make sure it isnt the third car either.. cuz, you know, what if i counted wrong? i'd end up in a whole other city.. and we dont want that now do we?? so i get on (not "it" though.. cuz that would just be wrong) and after a few hours of more boogie-wiping (they were just pouring out) i arrived where i had to be (well.. sort of, in any case) so i get off and have to find a way to the ports so i can get a ticket to get on the ferry to cross to the other side (ohhh.. that sounded scary.. hahah) and then i find the "complimentary bus" sign.. and anything "complimentary" is nice (no pun intended).. so i catch the bus and get to the port. now, i know the service to the city i was going to wasnt on, but i asked anyways "there is no service to that city, is there?" "no, but we can take you there with a bus from the city we take you to" "ohh ok, thats good" so i get my ticket and am told that soon therell be a bus to the boat soon (yah, "soon") and then i hear that this other guy was also headed to that city i was headed. at first i thought he and the girl that was with him were a bit upset at me, cuz i had been attended first at the counter, but it turned out i was prolly wrong. so we all head to the waiting area, and i eat my "ready to eat" thing, and i think "this stuff tastes a bit.. well.. raw" so i read the package more carefully.. and "oh whats this?" "place in oven for.." man.. what the who!! why do people do stuff like that, does the word "false advertizing" mean anything to anyone?? (even tho it is two words.. but hey, shut up! at least i got on the right car on the train over) so i eat my raw meat and bread thing and wait a while for the bus to arrive.. and by "while" i mean like 45 mins.. so the bus arrives, and there is just sooo much wind.. i almost got slammed into a different bus.. a bus that was a ways away from the other one... anyhoo we get in (all of us.. it was a packed bus) and then go to the place where we were supposed to get to the ferry by.. we stop at this place where we were supposed to "check in" or something, so we all get off.. but the lady in charge was told that we didnt need to check in here... so everybody back in the bus (ooh ah, ohh ah ugh.. everybody get to the back of the busz!) and back on the way.. then there was a security checkpoint we had to go through (yep, you guessed it) and so we had to set our stuff to be scanned, another search (im starting to like being felt up like this.... no i'm not) so as we go through the metal detector, guess who makes it buzz? thats right, so a nice little personal search for me, and then they see my tigger. you see, i travel with a little tigger attached to my belt, he's like my travel companion.. so the guy searching me sees him and calls the other search person over and they both say "awww.." pff hahahah.. so they let me go.. and we get back on the bus. and now on to the boat and then we get on.. during all this time i had gotten to talking to the guy going to that city i had originally planned on going to.. and i explained my story a bit and stuff.. i then kept chatting along and the three of us sat together (since i wasnt going to go and sit alone) on the ferry (which bee tee double you, was huge.. containing its own restaurants and the whole shebang) and so i told them how i wasnt exactly sure where i was going and all that and we started talking about all kinds of stuff.. they told me that they had been at that city i had been to, and the stuff they did there and we basically just got to talking. and then the boat started rocking (ohh shut up, you dirty dirty minded people) there were really huge, huge waves, making this huge beast of a boat go up and down and side to side, one of the waves even splashed onto the window.. yah, a very scary thought.. considering we were at the 5th level of the boat (i know! it had levels!!) so we decided to walk around.. which proved to be a very fun experience.. hahah.. i actually do recommend doing that... if we stayed standing still, there were times when the ship dropped, and we "floated" in the air (ie, we were in a period of temporary freefall) and then there were these kids trying to pogo.. hahaah.. crazy kids..
so at some point we get to where the boat had to get (without sinking or any terrible thing like that) and then this operator guy gives all of us "walkies" (thats what i decide we should have been called.. it sounds way better than "foot passengers") an announcement: "we have good news and we have bad news. the good news is, the walkway is unfit for crossing and we will have to wait for the car decks to clear out and then we'll have to exit through there.." at which point there is a short pause.. well, we were expecting the "bad news" now.. you know, since these were the "good news".. hahah.. crazy guy... so then some lamer decides he wants to be funny and says "and whats the bad news?" (and no, it wasnt me) some people chuckled and the guy making the announcement seemed sort of confused at the question.. and then says something and walks off.. hahah.. it was quite funny. so we all wait for the car decks to clear out and then we leave.. load on to the bus that would take all of us to that other city we needed to get to, and set off.. home.. finally.. man, this bus was cool! it was like a double-decker (and i dont mean like the british kind) bus with restaurant type seating! in the sense that there were those comfy slide-in couches with a table between every two and lights and the whole deal.. it was pretty cool.. so i sat with my new found friends and we were just chatting and eating and what not, when we realize, we might have lost the last train.. (how many times is that then?) so we sit there, crossing our fingers so we make it in time for the last train, when, suddenly, some thing starts flapping against the side window of the bus, and by flapping i mean really whacking into it.. it seemed as if it was going to smash the poor window to pieces.. so we notify the driver, and he gets off to inspect. one of the rubber linings had come loose.. so the guy starts peeling it off the side of the bus.. and meanwhile, the few of us who had to catch a train were staring directly into the little LED clock, mesmorized by its little threatening light. the driver then comes back in and starts scavenging among his things.. the flap now draped across the front of the bus.. one guy realized he was looking for a knife, so he tosses him one (well.. not really tossed.. but you know what i mean) so the guy goes outside and manages to cut off the thing and we were back on track (no pun intended)... we now looked at the other window, slightly intimidated by the power of the "yet to come"
eventually we make it there, fly off the bus and into the station.. and by "fly off", i'm not referring to how quickly we got off, but rather to the sheer power of the unrelenting wind.. i had to walk diagonally just to progress in a forwardly manner this beast of immeasurable strength was lifting my bag up into the air (not very high off the ground, but still, making it quite uncontrollable) eventually i wrestled it throught into the station where i was informed (if only by the expressions plastered on everyone's faces) that we had missed the last train, by like an hour, and that the next train to catch would require us finding a hotel or someplace else to sleep at.. i had enough a chance to run into the bathroom for a quick pee.. and when i came back, we were already getting kicked out of the station.. thats right, they were closing the station. so we all gloomily walked out, wondering "what now?" and what now indeed! so the three of us went to some restaurant place to keep warm while others.. well.. i dont know what the others did.. they all went somewhere.. my new friends offered me to stay at their place, and i had nowhere else i could possibly even fathom going to, so i accepted. they offered me something to drink, but i couldnt accept.. they said they called a friend over who would then drive all the way up here (about an hours drive) to pick us up and take us back home.. not to mention the fact that he was asleep.. "theres a good friend" i told them. so we sat there exchanging travel stories for a while, like old war veterans, telling of adventures incurred in enemy territories (which reminds me...) eventually burning away an hour or so at which point their friend had arrived for us.. so we hop on in, and im thinking "this is the coolest thing i have ever done in my life!!" i just met these guys and i was in a car going to their house in a foreign country to a city i hadnt even heard of before. if this is not an adventure, i dont know what is. i cant stop thinking how these guys were the coolest, offering me their home having only just met me that day and all. so we drive along and im sharing my stories of my trip and then we get there.. so we go in the house and they say "this will be your bed" the sky opens and a ray of light from heaven shines upon a couch while trumpets and angelical voices sing. i had a soft surface to sleep on.
so after a few hours of some more messing around we all eventually start to drop, exhausted from our trips, mine having been from 9am to now 2am, theirs from about 2pm till 2am. because of a 5minute "wind" delay on a train i was now in a completely different city, in a different country, with people i might not even have ever met. i slept 12 hours that day.
the next day we had breakfast (i know! they even fed me!!) and then i was offered to be toured around (there was no time for that that day.. so i ended up staying another night) we then went around and visited some of the friends and walked around the city while we chatted up about pretty much anything.. i found out how that movie that i had determined to be the worst of all time was part of this strange underground thing where lots of people consider a work of genius.. im sorry but i disagree.. i was told not to mention that.. i also found out how my friend here was an artist and had some real talent.. he showed me some of his work and it was really good stuff, but he doesnt believe in selling his art, so he is currently not working. another i found out was why i had been hassled at immigration.. apparently, in that other country, they seem to have a big illegal resident/worker problem.. where people come in and well.. never leave (although who knows why the eff they would do such a thing) so the thing was that the guy was just making sure that i wasnt going there to stay and work there illegally.. stupids... so anyhoo we were just walking along and stuff and we went to another one of his friend's houses (now the next two days have sort of blurred into a single experience, in the sense that i cant remember what was part of the first night and what of the second night) the thing is, we went to one of his friends' house and he was a dj (like a real dj, with all that crazy equipment and stuff) and so i helped him create a song, you know he was like "ok play something" and so i played something, and he liked it and we proceeded to spend the next hour or so making the song (most of this due to my lack of coordination since im sooo out of practice in my piano playing abilities, and the fact that i never played using a metronome) so now there will soon be a very successful dj on mtv playing a song based on an irish jig.. which i played.
another thing we did was go to a supermarket (my favorite thing to do when i go to some other country.. which usually annoys the crap out of my friends.. but this time i had someone else with me who had the same interest) and so we bought some food (including cheese.. which i like.. dont ask me why i even mentioned it, hahah.. it just popped into my head.. and i dont question stuff like that.. hahah) we prepared the food (and yes, i did pay my share, as amof i payed for the stuff and then they chose to pay me back for their equal parts) and then the last night i was there we went to this bar place with crazy drunk people (yeh i know..) but i dont drink so all i had was a glass of water.. oh, and then this drunk guy was like, "next round of drinks are on me".. so i had me a fruit juice (no alcohol).. which was actually really good. and then these two other friends (of the female variety) came as well.. sort of by coincidence.. and one of them was just soo beautiful.. i kept thinking how beautiful this girl was.. but, she had a boyfriend.. ohh well. story of my life.. so we kept chatting all of us and then we went back home and chatted there and then they were going to leave.. and all i could think was "i have to get a hug from this girl" but i didnt.. i didnt arm myself with enough courage to ask.. ohh well.. oh well.. oh well.. wait, did i already say that? oh well.. there it goes again!! anyhoos, so we goto sleep. it was like 7am now.. hahaha and i had said that i had to leave today.. so when i next woke up, i packed my stuff and we set out.. they had to go do their stuff and i had to go see how i would leave this city, plus i wanted to do some more sightseeing.. yesterday we had done some, and i had thought this was the coolest city i had visited so far.. plus there was like a castle (museum) i wanted to go visit. so i said goodbye, and many thanks and i left to the castle.. dragging my bag along...
i entered the castle, and where i bought my ticket i also asked if there was somewhere i could leave my bags. "nop, sorry, not here" crap. so i carried my bags along.. and then i realized that i would have to carry my bags all the way up to the third floor, up winding, thin, stone stairs.. i made it up there, panting like a dog thats chased its tail for a little too long.. i think i actually broke a sweat. if not something else... so i walk around see the exhibition.. i think maybe some of the people may have thought i found the exhibition a bit too.. "exciting" ... yah, well thats cuz theyre stoopids.. so i saw some guard there and i asked him if it was possible to leave my stuff with him.. he didnt speak english.. and i didnt speak his language.. so we were in a bit of a tight spot.. but i showed him my bag and he understood and so i dragged it next to his desk.. and that took care of that (at least i thought, which was all that mattered at the moment) so i start looking around the exhibition.. and realize that, well.. its sort of odd.. it mostly consisted of battle gear.. you know, swords and daggers, chain mail and all that.. ohh and i discovered that the gun-blade is not a squaresoft invention (from final fantasy fame and so on) but, rather, its been around since bayonettes (and early rifles and guns in general) have.. little interesting tidbits, eh? so i keep walking along.. checking the exhibition out.. and it just keeps getting weirder and weirder.. at one point it had evolved to just an exhibition on torture and punishment so all those devices that may have been used to torture people and kill them, were all on display here. there were buckles with spikes on the inside, chains and grinding devices, knives, hammers.. you name it, they had it.. it was very strange.. they even had a replica guillotine.. a replica.. ohh well.. crazy guys.... so i walked off and, once again.. time to release the contents of my bladder into a proper disposal container. so i find one, but you have to pay.. so i look for whoever it is that i have to pay to use the services.. but there is nobody there. and i really had to go.. so i go in and urinate.. i urinate all over the place.. well.. all over, within the established allowed urination parameters.. taking care not to drop tigger in along with my excess ureic acid... so i wash my hands and proceed to the entrance to go up the stairs to retreive my bag.. but the entrance was closed. oh-oh... so i run all the way to the exit (as opposed to the entrance.. hahah lool!) and i run all the way back through the halls of torture (hey, remember the hall of justice, that groovy place where all the superfriends would hang out? that was cool, wasnt it?) and back through to the place where i had left my stuff, where i found the guy i had given my bag to with another guy.. oh-oh.. surely i am in trouble, once again.. but i wasnt, i explained that i had come to get my stuff back but the main door was closed so i had to run all the way around.. said thank you to them both and got out of there heading to the train station.. now, i sort of knew i had to go in some direction to get to the train station, because my friends had told me, but.. i guess i had now forgotten... because i started walking. and walking.. and walking.. and i had no clue as to where i was.. so i asked some lady and she pointed me in some weird direction, saying "ohh you take a right here then a left this point and then you just walk on.." "ok..." so i tried that.. and nothing.. i wasnt any better off than before.. meaning i could only be worse off.. so i ask again.. and then the guy i asked is like "ohh wow.. that is a looong ways away" crap! "what you do is go through this bridge and then stick to this side and then go on walking and then take a right and then a left and then.." "ok..." so i do.. but i had to ask again.. so i find some lady and ask.. but she didnt speak any of my languages.. i sort of did understand what she was saying.. but.. well. it wasnt of much help.. and then some other lady walks past and the other lady asks her and so theres three of us now, trying to figure out how i was to get to the train station.. so one of them is just like, "well, here, ill walk with you part of the way" so i was like "ok.. cool" so we walk and shes like, "well it is quite a walk from here.. you would be better off taking a tram.." "yeah, i think thats what i'll do" i hope you havent forgotten that i was carrying my bag all through the course of this ordeal.. you didnt forget did you?? did you??? so i thank her and find the nearest tram station and hop on the next tram.. well actually the one after it.. since it was soo full.. paid my fare and waited, on my tuckus, until i arrived at the station.. there i saw some sign that read something similar to "tickets" but not even using the same first letter.. so i thought, "ahh its prolly just some dumb advertizing" so i walk off and up some stairs (electric.. of the lazer kind.. in the sense of "laziness", not "beam of light") and when i get up there, i realize i was in the terminals area.. so down the stairs.. of the non-lazer variety, as in i had to walk down them with my bag.. so i get to the tickets area (yah, i know) and say "whens the next train home?" by this time i had figured the best idea would be to go home now, rest, drop my bag (should have done that a looong time ago) and then continue my trip with a smaller bag.. a backpack perhaps.. so i get the next train home, expecting to have a nice "relaxing" train ride back where i would perhaps get some sleep for the next 7 hours... yah.. that was the "hope"
so i get on the first train, which would take me to a main station where i would switch trains and from there it would be a direct train home. eventually i get to the stop where i should get off.. i know this because inside the train there was a display screen saying what station we were at (pretty nice huh?) so i get my stuff ready and start to head out.. when i read the sign at the station.. it was a different name!!! so i look at the screen again "now arriving at.." and i look out at the sign in front of my face.. IT DIDNT SAY THE SAME THING!!! so i start to freak out, i run out of the train and ask "excuse me sir, is this this station or the other" "yes, it is" "what??" "its the same one" "..." "..." "!!!" WHY IN THE WHO WOULD A STATION HAVE TWO DIFFERENT NAMES!?! and its not like it was a translation difference.. it was like a calling it station number one and station number two.. but it being the same station! so anyhoo, i get off and get ready to board my next train, this one should be more relaxing.. yeah.. "should".. so i get on, and prepare to rest, and suddenly, this weird guy sits next to me.. i had the feeling he was gay, so i was quite unneasy.. he started talking to me, and i dont have a problem with this, but he was all "and how old are you? where do you live? what do you do?" i answered, and then he started telling me about himself "yeah well i work for some company that helps out in africa with the whole AIDS thing.. " im like "oh thats cool" "yeah, we send them condoms and all but we have a problem, because the people there have very big penii" "!!!" "yeah, they are like 25 centimeters..." "!!!" "so the condoms we send dont work and they keep ripping them" WTF?!? what kind of topic for conversation is that?? i mean, i just met the guy and he's talking dirty to me already??? he then proceeds to ask if it was ok to take the seat right next to mine.. i couldnt say "no dood, stay where you are.. you dont need to be next to me to talk to me" (he was only like a single seat away from me) so he moved right next to me.. and kept discussing strange (not to mention gross) stuff with me.. or should i say "at" me... i wont even say the kinds of stuff this guy was saying.. and he wasnt being all weird or jokey about it.. he was being dead serious.. i know.. i know.. eventually he said he had to go pee.. so he came back and was like "ohh it doesnt work, i have to go use the one in another car" so he left for the other car and never came back.. it was really weird..
after i noticed weird guy wasnt coming back i proceeded to prepare myself to sleep.. i turned the lights out and closed the doors in the little "room" and set myself into rest-mode.. but at the next stop, guess what, my room was raided by a family of crazy (not to mention really loud) italians (*wink*) they just came in, turned the lights on and loaded all their bags into the room.. then they set up a small picnic and began talking about all kinds of stuff and basically not letting me rest, or sleep for that matter (ok, ok.. that was obvious.. but still, i felt like being redundant)... so the whole trip i was stuffed in a small 6 person compartment with 7 other people.. yah, i know.. not much sleep, until they realized half way through the trip that next door was free and so then it was a large commotion to get all their stuff out and into the new, free, room.. and then at the next stop my compartment was filled with new faces.. none of them needing to sleep, and so not giving it much importance as to sleeping environment.. luckily they were only there for a few stops.. but i was still unable to sleep for the rest of the trip.. i had some shady fellas in my compartment, and i sort of already know what happens when you fall asleep in a train.. (dont we?) so i was on my way home... i was actually looking forward to it too..
so i get to at least shut my eyes for a while... forget sleep, the people in my compartment kept the light on all through the trip.. i eventually got home, and was all "im home!!" but i still had to get home home... so i left the station to realize that it was too late to catch a tram back.. so i took a cab.. luckily, i had some local currency in my pocket.. else i would have been totally screwed.. i have no idea what i would have done then.. hahah.. ugh... so i get a cab, arrive home and when i try to open the door, my key wouldnt turn.. so im like "what the who?" *tries again* ohh crap.. no way they changed the lock!! *tries again* oh-oh.. i look at the sign on the door to see if it wasnt that my dad had moved out or something and at that moment i hear a rustle and the door opens (phew) its my dad.. so i say a hearty hello to my half asleep dad "what are you doing here mengst?" "ahh just dropping by for a while" so he later tells me he has to sleep and so i let him, eat something and hit the computer to find out i had 556 emails totalling 7.2megs waiting for me.. most of which was stupid spam.. so i spent the rest of the night trying to plan my next destination for the next morning.. i decided i would sleep an hour, shower, and then leave to my next destination when i woke up.. no luck.. i was sooo tired that when i woke up, i fell back asleep and woke up again and fell asleep again only to realize i had missed my train.. deciding what to do i fell back asleep and said "ahh, ill take the night train.. and so i slept the rest of the day.. and took the night train.. it was now thursday, i would arrive 6 hours later at a new city.. it is said to be one of if not the most romantic cities (i beg to differ) alone.
so this part of the trip actually began as friday began, the train left at about midnight. i chose my compartment well.. in the middle so as to not be in the front or the back.. the most likely places to get chosen by others to sit in.. and i wanted to sit alone, i wanted to get some sleep.. so i sit in my place, get comfy, turn the lights off, but leave the curtains open, do people see i want to rest (bad idea).. two stops and i was resting nicely.. i was even lying across the seats.. but just then, a band of hooligans (or just general trouble makers) boards the train.. ho man were these awholes noisy idiots! they walked past my door, saw me sleeping and started hitting on the doors and yelling so i would wake up (can you believe that crap??) and just walked past.. what idiots. and then two of them came back and into my compartment..
ohh yeah, "great" company they made.. i always choose a no smoking area whenever i go anywhere.. especially on long trips... well these guys decided that rules just didnt apply to them.. so you know what they did? they whipped out their nice stash of dope (or whatever strange concoction of hash and/or dope they had.. not to mention the stuff is illegal in this country) and proceeded to shut the door, and the curtain, turn the lights off (i know, the only time i didnt want the lights off.. and they had to go and do that), and smoke them in my face.. not only that, but they also had had no tickets.. or the money to pay for it.. but the train controllers were nice enough to work something out with them.. i dont know what was going on, since im not too "fluent" in that language... also, at some stops, one of the guys kept getting off the train and running off and coming back just before the train set off again.. from what i gathered, he had left to go wake people up in the first class compartment.. where people are sleeping.. i know.. classy kind of guy.. not the kind of people i wanted to be in a closed, dark compartment with... eventualy i get to the final destination (no pun intended) and i leave thinking "im alive.. im alive.. im.. cold!" man was it cold!! i couldnt believe how cold it was there!! for the next half hour or so i stayed in the station, if only because the sheer cold made me fear the cold once outside the confines of the place. i walked around in there very aimlessly, very coldfully.. until i realized.. they had set up a radiator there.. hahah.. they just had this thing that might have been a lightpost (except the light would have been red.. which would be a bit weird..) but instead was this tube of warmth. i noticed it by seeing a bunch of people just standing around this thing, not talking to each other, not socializing, and not standing together for any obvious reason, until i saw someone holding their hands out at the "light".. ohh man! its a radiator.. heat!! so i stood there a while.. sort of inching forward, planning my entry into the huddle of heat and warmth.. i looked like one of those pigeons one feeds in the park, you know, they slowly walk towards your extended hand.. and then scatter away.. then walk back and get just a bit closer.. then scatter away again... that was me.. i was inching towards the hand that would keep me warm.. the hand that would prevent me from freezing straight to the floor.. i walked around again and noticed that most people had left.. there were only three homeless looking guys standing there, so i took my place.. they smelled funny.. well not funny funny.. i mean, i didnt laugh at them.. just that.. well... they smelled weird.. you know, that smell thats sort of a coctail of urine, whisky, talcum, ben gay and just a pinch of "je ne sais quoi".. yah, thats what they smelled like.. so after a while of drenching myself in heat and fancy parfums, i decided to leave... eventually the sun should come up.. and i would warm myself up with it.. so i left.. but not before having tried to purchase a phone card.. i went up to the counter, and in my best efforts tried to let the lady know i wanted to purchase a phone card in her language (you know, since people here refuse to speak english.. not that they cant, but that they simply refuse to do so) so i ask her how much for the least expensive one.. to which she says "500" im thinking.. "that simply can not be right.. i try asking "how much" and she tells me a very VERY different price.. still not one i would be willing to pay.. so i say "no thanks" (or something like that.. cuz i wasnt speaking english) and then she just scoffs at me.. what the who?? man people here are just soo.. wait lemme find the english word for it... i think the word that would be closest to the one i'm looking for is "pretentious" the word in spanish is "pedante" which comes from the word "pedo" which means "fart" and thats exactly what people were like there...
so i set out.. now, remember, i have never been here before, i dont know my way around town, all i have is a rough map i got off the internet, and im on my own.. plus the fact that its just sooooo cold!!! so i start walking.. sort of with a rough aim of where to go.. and the sun is coming up.. which is good.. so i start walking along.. i see some nice things.. but im still just too cold.. and then.. *buzzing sound* there were like these open (well with a grill on them) sewer type things spewing warm air!! yes, i know, it sounds gross, but thats cuz i cant explain it well.. the point is that warm air was emanating (and i do choose this word wisely) from underground.. and so i stood there warming myself up with this lovely (slightly stinky) gust of air coming from the entrails of the earth.. apparently i wasnt the only one who took advantage of this.. some other people were doing the same.. i didnt see marilyn monroe though, or any girl in a skirt for that matter... so i stood there until i was satisfactorily (hahha is that even a word??) warm and then i walked on.. until.. you guessed it.. i had to pee.. now, i know how often i have to go, but i found that my bladder has stretched and increased capacity while on this trip... as amof, i can fit 3 to 4 times the amount i used to be able to.. which is especially good while outside of any housing.. ie, on the street.. so i walk around looking for a bathroom, or adequate urinating facilites.. so i keep walking, i walk past some of the famous landmarks thinking "that's nice.. wheres the bathroom?" i keep walking.. "public urinals" hurrah!!! so i power walk it to the place "public urinal temporarily out of service" crap! keep walking.. more nice buildings and stuff to see.. i keep walking, finding public urinal signs and realizing "this is all just some sick joke, isnt it??" none of them were in service!! i bet this is just another thing to piss tourists off.. they really dont like tourists here.. trust me.. they dont. and they let you know it. so its now about 8am or so, and im hoping to sweat it out.. but the cold isnt helping... i walk past some homeless guy in his carton box.. the smell gives me an idea.. i dont go with it tho, and keep seeking release somewhere i wont get arrested for doing so.. and i know i would.. its just my luck.. so i keep looking.. and then i find another sign.. this one is more helpful.. "opens at 9:30am" ohh great.. first of all, since when do public urinals have opening hours?? and third.. im going to explode!! (as if i can do math while i have to go this bad) so i think.. where may i go urinate?? where where where.. aha! a museum! so i run off headed to the next museum.. but guess what.. there was this long line to get in.. and something about having to pay.. i was like "ohh crap.. or, more precisely.. pee" so i run off looking for somewhere else to go... no luck.. and back to the museum. theres these two guards there so i ask "where can i go pee?" theyre like "oh theres a bathroom in the museum" "do i have to pay?" "nop" "k, thanks" so i form the line.. get searched (why wouldnt i?) and then go off in search of that which will relieve me of my worries... and i find it.. and i pee.. and pee... and pee.. (my bladder has increased in voluminal storage capacity.. remember?) eventually i have peed it all out and can move on to other more trivial things.. like visiting the city...
so i visited around.. saw the sights, heard the sounds, and smelled the smells (have i mentioned that one yet?) i walked around all day.. i even purchased some art and stuff (not fancy stuff.. some guy was selling some paintings and drawings on the street..) it was really cool tho, not to mention cheap.. (wow, does that word ring close to home.. some day.. some day i will have an income and stop being so frugal) so i bought it.. i even stopped by a little pond type place with ducks and all.. it even had these lawn chairs and stuff for people to lay back and relax on.. which, of course, i did.. as amof, i had only ended up there cuz i was following some chickie around.. hahah.. not "following" but rather.. going in the same direction (pff.. as if youre going to believe that..) so i saw some really cool stuff.. it was amazing tho.. all the cities i had been to, stuff was most always free.. museums, places of interest and so on.. over here tho, you had to pay for everything.. even to go up some stairs in a national monument and stuff.. it was unbelievable.. and it wasnt like a small fee, it was like some heavy amounts.. lets put it this way.. if i had decided to pay the entrance fee to all these monuments (not including museums), which should have been free, i could have fed myself for about a month.. yes.. i know... so anyhoo, i had to settle on seeing the places, as opposed to going in them and.. well.. yeah, ok, so i wasnt missing out on much..
so i was walking on when some guy approaches me with a petition form, "peace for africa" "peace for africa? ill sign that" and so i did, but as i signed i noticed that because of the way the guy had been holding the form i had failed to notice that you also had to "contribute".. and so i was like "ohh" and i saw what the previous people had given, which was just a bit too much for me to give some guy who was just standing there with a petition form and of which i had no idea where the money was going.. so i gave him a symbolic donation (i actually said that too) and dont worry, i wasnt being cheap either, but still, it wasnt like i was giving to the red cross, it was just some guy there.. so anyhoo, i contributed to the peace in africa, what have you done for your world recently? (ok ok, im just being annoying.. ill go on) so i then walk around for quite a while, until i am stopped by some gringos who wanted their picture taken, they sort of try in the local language, but i replied in english (like i couldnt tell where they were from) and they are like "ohh an american" hahaha, i almost replied to that. but i thought.. "nah.." then like this mass of people mobbed me and all gave me their cameras so i could take pictures of all of them.. ohh man.. so i start clicking away, 1 picture, move camera to next arm, 2 pictures, move camera to next arm.. then a gust of wind came.. picture number 3 "ohh no!!' "what?" "your hair! it blew in the way!!" ".." hold my hair back (it was tied back, but some always manages to escape the confines of the elastic, especially with wind), and again *click* the wind had blown my hair in the way again.. pfff.. "i give up" so the respective owner retreives their camera and i continue.. then there was one where i had to zoom as well.. they didnt tell me, but i somehow managed to do it (hahah.. as if im that useless) and eventually i took all the photos and ran off there as fast as i could.. i thought the faster i run from the this, the faster it will get behind me.. man, ugh.. american.. not that i have anything against gringos, but do not call me, or anyone else for that matter, an "american".. dood..
so i was power-walking as far away from those people as fast as i could when. "ohh, whats this??" i notice a really really weird looking guy.. and im not one of those people who goes around pointing fingers or purposely looking for weird people, or even mentioning or caring if people are weird, but ho sham bo was this guy weird!! ok, this is why: you know how black people and "white" people (and i put it in quotes cuz there is no such thing as a "white" person..) are physically different, and i dont mean skin-wise (idiotah!) i mean, like hair is different and all that.. well, this guy was a "white" guy with black features!!! it was as if they had gotten a black guy, dipped him in bleach and said "ok, this will be you.." (ohh and ps, to all you idiotahs! being insulted by any of this, you are an idiotah! why would you find this, any of this offensive?? get out of my site now!!.. as if i need some stupid idiotahs! who get offended by what other people look like or do visiting my site... "ohh no! he said 'black guy' he must be a racist!!" pff stupids..) so as i was saying.. for a moment there i actually thought he was some black guy trying to pass off as an irish man or something... man.. that guy was weird...
so i kept walking along thinking "my trip is getting weirder and weirder.. first the twilight zone train station.. now this.." (you know.. among all those other things as well..) so i just kept walking along the city all day.. or at least, what was left of the day.. eventually i said "yep, its time to go now, next city here we go!" yah, first find your way to the station.. and try i did.. dood, i walked and walked and walked.. knowing the general direction i needed to go in.. but the distance, that was a mystery.. i had decided to go back since i was tired.. and right now, i was at the farthest possible location i could be from the station... so i head on out.. remember, i had arrived at the city at 6am.. and had been wakling ever since.. i am beginning to become physically exhausted in the below the waistal area..
i have been walking all day, no rest (not like real rest, in any case) and i still had a ways to go.. but my body begins to shut down. something about a "fatal exception: failure at device driver 'feet' imminent" i ignore the warnings and continue to walk.. i must find my way back.. or at least get there.. so i continue to walk.. for hours. there comes a point where my legs are refusing to move, and yet i keep moving on.. (uphill, to make things worst) i feel like a granny, inching my way onwards.. one more step.. and one more step.. the tendons in my feet feel like rusted steel threads grinding at the inside of my feet with every step i take.. every step is a step of pain and torture.. my vision becomes blurred, i become completely numb, i cant hear, its all a loud high pitched sound screeching inside my head.. i cant think or reason, its just "move forwards".. occasionally i stopped at a town map, and my vision returned temporarily, my feet throbbed in their own numbness, and as reason and thought returned i would get the "ohh crap, im lost again" and then back to moving forwards and into the same situation, only this time, knowing that i just "travelled" in the wrong direction for the past half hour.. and now i must correct it by "travelling" in another direction... and i am still no closer to my destination.. if someone had been secretly stitching weights to the organs contained in my feet, i would not have noticed.. in any way.. i am now an unconcious mass of painful tissue headed in some direction, hoping to eventually get to where i am going... after a while (a looong while) of walking through long endless streets i make it to a place where i should turn left and into.. and so i do.. i am still weak.. useless as a normal human person, and thats where i realize the neighborhood i just walked into... i could feel my life at risk just by standing there, if anyone knew what i was going through, they would tip me over and steal all my valuables.. my backpack, my food, my precious art.. ok, so maybe not sooo valuable.. but still, they could have robbed me.. and i would be lying there on the floor, motionless, unable to move, if simply out of gratitude for the rest. but still, luckily, or more probably due to the fact that i "look like a junkie" (thanks al cho), i was not jumped.
at this point i now realize i am very close to the station (the right one this time, ohh did i fail to mention that i walked into one that wasnt where i had to go? well.. i did) so my body realizes this and begins to come to.. all my former ails are lifted like a veil on a beautiful, but very tired, bride.. (i just reread that part.. man does that sound weird..) and so i get my second wind... new life has been breathed into my body when suddenly.. what the who?? i am walking up a street (yes.. apparently i had been walking downhill all day, and now i had the joy of walking it all the way back up..) full of wig shops!!! and i mean they were just everywhere!! somehow it all seemed too weird.. my sudden lack of pain.. wig shops everywhere.. it was almost as if i had gone "somwhere else", somewhere where there was no pain, only.. wig shops??? and im not joking either.. every third or so shop was a wig shop! i mean, what kind of society produces such a high value/demand on... wigs??? man.. this is one screwed up city.. and did i mention that i only saw a one food selling place (since it was just like some shop with some fruit outside on display) not even a single supermarket or any such place to buy the necessities, ie, food, in all the time i had walked around the whole city!! i mean, sure, i can see how having a really stylin' wig would be more important than having food on the table.. but still.. and all i ever saw (relative to places to get food) were restaurants and cafes.. i doubt thats where people go eat all the time.. although.. it would explain the necessity for wigs.. "ohh no dear, i must wear a different wig to the restaurant.. i cant wear the same one i did for breakfast!!! and you know ive run out of different hair styles!!" "ohh ok dear, we'll stop by a wig shop before lunch then..." insanity...
i now make out (but not "with") the first station (not the one i was headed to, but rather another one.. the other one was not too far away.. which was very good news) so with my newly gained energy.. i walked on to the station i was finally going to leave from, supposedly to another city to visit one of my friends.. either al cho or one of my newly acquired ones.. so i get to the station and ask at the info place "whens the next train to this city?" (from which i could go visit either) "in 20 minutes" "thankyou" so i go and sit down.. finally.. and have me a bite to eat.. finally resting my poor beat down body.. the train arrives, all is good.. i go board it and notice that everyone is checking their tickets to see where they are to sit.. "ohh no.." i take a seat somewhere (anywhere) and wait.. and hope.. and then some guy walking down the aisle looks at me and stares me down.. he comes upto me an says "ey! you are in my seat!" (well, he didnt actually yell.. but he might as well have..) so i ask "do you know if any of the cars isnt by reservation?" "i have no idea" "ok.. im sorry.." and so i get off, look for one of the train operators and ask them if this entire train was by reservation.. it was.. but the good news was, if i payed i could make a reservation right there.. "ohh thats 'great'" it wasnt. i wasnt going to pay to get on a train to go somewhere i wasnt even sure if i was going to meet anyone! not at this time anyways.. stupid info person not telling me that i had to pay for a reservation.. so i go back to info and ask if there are any trains in that destination that i could get on without a reservation.. "nop" (you what would have been funny? if they had responded "no, you stupid american!!" ohh yeah, hillarious.. it wouldnt have surprized me at all at this point..) so i go sit down and think what to do.. at this point i have about 2 days left to travel, as my ticket would be expiring that soon.. so i decide i would call it a day, and go back home.. end my trip.
so i leave the station, as i leave, i spot a bakery shop (or something like that, lets call it a sandwich shop instead, shall we?) so i walk in, i have been doing this all day at all the "food"-type places.. i walk in, observe what delicious stuff they have to offer, drool a bit, and then walk on.. so i do the same here, but they had this one thing which i had seen all over the place and was quite curious to try.. but i said, "nah, ill just go to the other station before i miss any trains i might have to catch.. surely i will find another place around there to purchase this mighty pleasant item of eatage" so i walk on over (well.. you know, it was actually quite a walk, but i was going home now.. which made things a bit easier to deal with..) to the next station, i find out when the next train home was and i find i have about a half hour in which to do my last "doings" in this city.. so i say to myself.. "lets go out and get me some of that.." (that pastry thing i mean.. you sick sick minded people...) so i walk out and all over and nothing.. i couldnt find it anywhere.. i even walked into some sort of restaurant where they had desserts on display (inside) i walked in (it was empty... as in, no customers..) looked at the desserts they had to offer and headed out.. until one of the guys there was like "what are you looking for?" so i made my best efforts in that language to ask the guy and he was like "ohh you mean this?" and pointed to something obviously not what i was looking for.. so i say "no, that isnt it.. ok.. thank you!" so i leave, and as i was going through the door, i hear the guy go "pff.. tourists.." i looked back, and continued going out.. i just managed to notice the face of disgust he was making.. and thats when i began to think "did he really say that??" as in, "did he actually just scoff at me, for being a tourist??" i couldnt believe it.. i walked on, trying to reason what he may have meant by saying that.. i couldnt! he had actually been annoyed at the fact that i was a tourist!!! that was just insane!! so i continue searching for my delicious dish (good times.. yeah, good times..) and find it nowhere.. i spot a clock and read the time (you know, since i dont use a watch).. i had about 20 minutes left.. ohh no.. so i say to myself "ok, you have 5 minutes to get there, 5 minutes to buy it, and 5 minutes to get back.. go!" so i trot it (ok, not exactly "trot" it.. not like a horse in any case.. but i went faster than normal walking.. it was.. well.. i power walked it) and dont forget its uphill.. so i make it there, tell the lady what i want, hand her the money, say "thank you" and.. well.. what the who?? what do you know? she was being evil at me too!! what is it with this place?? what do people have against tourists here??? man, i am soooo outta here..
so i make it back to the other station, i am on my way home.. at last.. but i knew what awaited me.. the whole train situation.. who will be the lucky person to sit in my compartment?? *gameshow music erupts* well, bob, show him what he got!" "sure enough! behind door number one: a crazy dirty talking possibly gay guy trying to come on to you!!!" *crowd "ewww"s* "and behind door number two: a couple of dope smoking anarchists!!!" *crowd "boo"s* "and now, for the grand prize!!! behind door number three...." *crowd grows silent in anticipation* "....." a nooooormal fammmilyyy!!!!" *crowd cheers!! and goes wild* thats right folks! its a normal family consisting of a mother and her two, very silent and well behaved children!!!" *crowd still quite loud* "congratulations.. you earned it, and now you are going home.. " "thank you! thank you! can i say hello to my family?" "you sure can!!!" "ok first.." alright.. so you get the point.. i was quite relieved to be in the same compartment with normal people... so we are riding along, and the children were actually very very well behaved (!!!) and the mom was very silent as well.. so i was quite at ease.. that is, until i caught a glance at her hand.. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she had some red stuff all over it.. it looked like she had her hand covered in BLOOD!! at first i thought, "nah.." *shaking terribly* ".. its probably just lip stick.." but all i could think of was "these people are leaving this country, in probably the most affordable and easy to arrange means of doing such... AND WHERE IS THE DAD?????" i soothed myself in the thought that they were very calm and silent.. maybe the dad was one of those "wife beaters" who crossed the line or something.. so then this lady isnt really dangerous.. but ohh man.. was seeing that freaky!! i wasnt actually worried or anything.. for the aforementioned reason.. but dood.. still..
anyhoos, i was now on my way home, the family got off a few stops before the border, and they were really nice.. said good bye and all.. so i was now finally headed home, and my adventures were coming to an end.. at least the ones concerning this trip.. i finally make it to the station, and for the first time had to go through the passport control (i usually bipassed it as i always got there so late) so i got checked and went to the tram station to catch a tram back home.. got on.. got home.. and.. "ohh, whats this??" my house was empty. "what happend to my paternal unit? where has he escaped to?" (i later found out he had gone to the movies..) so i sat down and began writing this blog entry.. and that was two friday's ago.

Monday, February 25, 2002

[22:17:48]

for those of you wondering, no, i have not forgotten about the entry relating the events pertaining the last week of my travels (wow, a lot of big words there.. can you handle it?? can you handle it??) its just that it is a lot of stuff.. and i have been kept "busy" these last few weeks.. (as you may have "noticed") its coming.. its coming soon.. and it will keep you busy... for quite a while.. i promise (should have used quotes on that one as well huh?)

[17:13: 09 ]

is it a &B.O.B.; thing, or do we just have the weirdest dreams??? (bob dreamt this):

ok, so i have constantly been having dreams of these lights in the sky, or whatever they are. and i think they represent aliens, but i don't know. so anywho, i was at this place at night. i think i was camping with some friends from school in the forest. and there were these lights flying around the sky and then they started to do this remote mind probe thing on me. but the thing is, they need to do it from 3 different locations so that they can get a good lock on my brain pattern, or something. i didn't know exactly what was going on. but i didn't want something getting into my brain, so i would try to avoid them. but the only thing to do was to hide behind a tree since i was in the middle of a place with no buildings. and so there was this one and it got one link on me, then i hid behind a tree then as it moved around i went around the tree, but then i heard a voice saying "you think you can run away from me???" and i was like "oh son of a poop" and i tried to circle around the tree as it was on the other side. and it seemed to be working, but then the thing would speed up. then it got the other two "mind probes" or whatever they were. and nothing really happened. then one of the guys who (i think) was inside one of those things was suddenly beside me. although i wasn't scared. i started asking him questions about why and what those mind probes were. and he didn't answer my questions. so i asked him if they were harmful to my brain. and he was like "no, don't worry about that". and i asked him if they killed brain cells. and he was like yeah, and he pulled out this chart thingy and it had "T-values" or something (like T(subscript 1), T2, T3, etc.). and he was like, well if we probe you one time, its nothing. but 3 times and then he says this rediculously high number like 200 million brain cells. LOL... so i don't remember what happened after that, but for some reason i wasn't scared the whole time.

[17:13: 09 ]

so basically what i have to do now is search all over the place to see if i can find a university somwhere that will accept me, or a job that i can actually perform without having to know the language well... so far, i have only found jobs where i would need about 2-3 years preparation and/or a degree for.. well then.. isnt that conveeeenient?? the search goes on.. did i mention how against this whole crap i am?? well i'll mention it again.. yah maybe its funny for some people to be laughed in the face because you want to get into university and you dont know the language because you were pulled out of the course where you were actually learning.. but i for one, dont.. i also dont find it funny to be in a situation where there is no way out but.. well.. out... crap, and its not like i want to leave this country either.. but theres not much at all i could do if my dad kicks me out.. it makes me want to say filthy words.. but i wont.. man, what the who am i going to do??? this is sooo very much effed up right here..

[17:11:36]

how appropriate.. look at what i found: (isz a yoke)

Met a guy the other day and asked him if he had lived in Canada all his life. "Not yet." was the answer.

[17:10:44]

so here i am, i just went into the city to see what i can do, went back to the university and the info place was closed.. but i still saw people in there.. so i was like "hmm" so i wait around a while, and i notice people are actually going in.. so i wait for them to leave and i walk in.. "hi, do you speak english?" "yes, but we are closed" (yes, clearly) but he helps me nonetheless.. so i tell him i want to get in and all that, and the guy was like "without the language you cant get in" "are there ANY universities here that are in english?" (he laughs at me) "you need to have a diploma that says you know it well so you can enroll.." and the earliest i could be in university would be october.. yeah, i know.. so its a job im looking at then.. OR looking for some university in some other country where i can do it in english.. and as to the job.. well.. lets put it this way "no degree, no language, no job" where would i find a job i can actually do without the language?? not around here.. not without learning some other language.. which would be the same.. or even more stupid.. and a degree i could get at the university.. but for university i need to have the language down.. so.. im "stuck between a rock and a hard place"... indeed.. where would i go live?? would anyone reading this take in a societal parasite and maintain me for a year (or if in a country that speaks any of the languages i do, a month or two.. while i get a job and then into university (or whatever))? maybe ill just be moving to "the land of opportunity"... pfff.. hahah.. nah, i hear the weather in canada is insane.. (*giggles*)

Sunday, February 24, 2002

[21:33:30]

today my dad read the blog for the first time in his life.. he said "i read some of your b-log, and i noticed you dont say anything nice about me.." pfff i wonder why?? so i proceed to show him a place where i do.. you know, the part where he gives me the belt.. and he says "i dont see where you say something nice.." so i highlight it.. still... so i tell him why it is a good thing, and he goes on to say "i dont see how saying 'woohoo' people will understand you are pleased with me.." to which i respond "people arent supposed understand my blog, its about me and stuff that goes on in my life.." and he says "i just get the feeling that you dont think i ever do nice things for you.." ... (i remember the other day he said that i think everything he does at me is bad.. so i said "well then prove me wrong" you know, like saying, "start doing nice things and stop doing the other 'not-so-nice' things and then i won't be able to think that" "i dont have to prove anything to you.." (or "yes, i knew it.." as in saying "yes, i knew that you only see the bad things and not the good.." ie, he was saying "see, i was right..")) ohhh boy...

[21:30:25]

i received in the mail (through the comments portion of my site) a comment from someone noting:

Man, primates aren't just apes. Lemurs are primates, too. And they HAVE tails. If you're gonna criticize people who don't check their facts then you should check yours.

primate: The highest order of mammals. It includes man, together with the apes and monkeys.

(...) primates.. ie, what are now apes.. NOT monkeys.

[20:54:16]

ohh and one more thing, everytime i have the phone (wireless) in my room, and it rings, i hand it over to him and instead of just grabbing it, he proceeds to yank it out of my hands, just to let me know how he feels about me...

[20:53:38]

so yesterday my dad decided to "kindly" remind me of what i have to do on monday.. to which i reminded him of how i still dont know the purpose of it all.. and the discussion erupted.. "you dont have to know why, you just have to do it" (and so on and so forth) "yes but if i understood why then maybe i could find a solution more easily" "you dont need to find a solution, you just need to do it" (which was very confusing for him to say.. considering, the solution is what he is telling me to do.. and im saying, if he tells me what the point of it is, then maybe i can do it better..) i asked him "what exactly is it you want me to do?" "just go out and get a job or into the university...to mix with the people from here" "well what if i get a job and they set me to do something where i dont mix with anyone?" "well then you mix with your wages and thats it.." (wtf??) "so then what is the point??" i kept asking him to narrow it down, but he wasnt able to, all he knows is that he has to force me to do something against my will, something i would have done before.. something i would have done well.. but because of him i couldnt. yes, well, thats what he's like...
"well i cant do much since i dont have the language.. i would have gone into university last september.. but i didnt have the language, and i had been taking a course, but you took me out of it.." "i dont care" (he says this a lot) "go out with what you have now and get a job or go into the university.. that is the tariff" (he says that a lot too..) ".. but no (language) courses.. a job or something towards a career.. you have to be 'productive" ohhh ok.. i get it now... its that whole discussion all over again.. (i hope i dont have to say my opinion on this matter again.. do i?)
"just dont think about it and do it.." "yes, cuz thinking is bad.. what you want is a drone, who doesnt think, and just does.. that would lead to a really nice society.. all we would need is for someone to come and tell us what to do, and since nobody is thinking.. well then we'd have the whole nazi situation again..." "yes, but they were productive.. they built stuff" "and destroyed 11 million lives!!!" "yes well.." he said it as if it was a minor casualty towards "productivity" i couldnt believe it.. i just couldnt believe it..

[0:32:15]

bob said at me "last night i dreamed that the end of the world was here" to which i answered "hahah.. in what sense?" to which he (in 6 minutes.. (which is like wow!) the following:

like i was with you (i think) and then there were these "things" coming from the sky. then they landed on the ground about a kilometer away from me, but i could see them because i was at the top of this hill. and so anyway, they start forming the ground into certain shapes or something. like they made it look like little figures or something. and so i got kinda scared. and then i saw people down near them "worshipping" them or something. and so i went down there and there were these people that were walking in a circle for some reason. and then for some reason i wanted to get back up to the top of the hill. and i saw you up there and you were umm "saved" or something. and so i wanted to be with you because i knew you were going to heaven at the end of the world. so i tried to climb up, but they pulled me into their little circle of people walking in a circle, so i had to walk around with them for a couple of turns or something. and then i tried to climb up the hill, but it was made of sand, which made it hard to climb. then i found this tunnel, which somehow got me to the top quicklier. then i was all dirty from the sand,and when i emerged from the tunnel i was in some "shower-like" room. so i went and i took a shower (although i don't remember doing so, i just know i did, because i had to dry myself). and so i started drying myself and then spot came by and wanted to be near me. but i didnt' want him there because i was partly naked. so then MR WALLACE (I KNOW!) came in and i told him something. and then spot jumped on my bed and woke me up. HAHAHA

Saturday, February 23, 2002

[23:55:42]

i just saw a movie that rivalled "bats", it had sooo much potential.. no wait, it had no potential and yet they made the best of it... ok, heres the breakdown of it (lowdown? downtown? why frown? what??) the thing is, well first you need some background to the whole experience.. the story is in a language i dont fully grasp (at all...) the subtitles, are in that other language.. you know, the one im trying to learn.. so yeah.. you see my predicament.. somehow, i managed to get the point of the story... pff hahah.. (youll see what i mean by that "pff hahah.." later) so in the ad posters it looked really cool.. sort of a bleak story in a far away land.. and what not... so i was like, well hey, ill give the "understanding" part a whirl.. it looks like a really cool movie.. (pfff!!!!) so there i am, sitting at the movie... and the first scene is this really awesome fight scene, in the rain.. it was sooo cool.. it really was.. i thought, "this movie.. is going to be cool.." i said it like that, all pausedly (pronounced "paw zed lee" hahah.. no im serious) and then there was this other scene, where this girl gets attacked by some "monster" (hidden, you know, since its the beginning of the story) so im like "ok..." not really knowing what to think.. now, the name of the movie was "the pact of the wolves" (translated) so the first few scenes didnt make much sense.. to the title i mean.. but the camarography (i hope thats a word.. if you dont like it, you are welcome to use "camaramanship" or "camarahood" or even "camaranessitudelierly" if you are me/bob) was just unbelievable the director of photography (that one im sure of... i didnt use that word before tho cuz it wouldnt make sense.. to what i meant.. ahh whatever) sure knew what he was doing.. it was awesome to watch.. but then the "story" unfolded, and.. well.. lets put it this way, "it was awesome to watch.. but not to watch" as a matter of fact, the movie was just sooooo stupid, i could not believe it.. my dad actually walked out.. and then back in (he had left his umbrella.. hahah.. ohh my dad) i really liked how the movie was shot, but it was more the writer of the story who should have been shot.. hahah.. obviously i dont mean "killed".. just, you know, unable to write and stuff.. hahah.. (you all know very well i dont condone violence.. except in movies.. there its ok, cuz it AINT REAL.. yah, sorry to spoil it fer all you kids, but it isnt, its time you all faced the facts.. if it were, then how would schwarzenegger (and yes it is correctly spellt <- that however.. is a different story) still be making movies?? ohh yeah, you think some crazy austrian family produced tens of children all named arnold to be actors in action movies and then not care to see them all sacrificed for the scene?? no no.. my friend.. you were sadly deceived...) what was i talking about again?? ohh yeah, that stupid movie i just saw.. yeah, so boy was it stupid... but the director did a nice job with the camara work, the scenes, the music, and as amof, the acting didnt suck either.. which is good.. so let me tell you the main flaw of the story.. it had a "supernatural" beast.. that usually isnt a problem, but directors have a habit of wanting to show it.. (hmm, that can be misinterpreted cant it...? ohh well..) and this one did.. if you saw "bats" you know exactly what i mean.. (quick &B.O.B.; reference: when watching the aforementioned movie, it was established that it was sooo lame, that the spelling of the word "stupid" was declared to be "b.a.t.s") and that is exactly what happend here.. now for the spoiler.. the "pact of the wolves" was some.. man, as if im going to even care mention the point of that stupid movie.. pfff... verdict: if you dont know the language.. at all.. watch it, and just ignore the parts where the "beast" appears..

[17:14:36]

as i was saying.. i saw monsters inc last night.. it was a really good movie.. it isnt a "comedy" if thats what youre expecting... its like a real movie but with certain funny parts.. i really liked it.. it was nice.. so go watch it.. now!! or wait.. do you want a "real" hollywood analysis.. roger ebert style?? well too bad.. i aint gone give one.. ya hear? now scatty on over to thems movie thee-at-er and watch it! (ok so that wasnt funny at all.. im sorry, im just not in a "funny" mood..)

[15:35:38]

saw monsters inc last night.. but first, lemme tell you the dream i had this morning...
ok there was all these young teenagers there (as opposed to old teenagers.. as opposed to young adults.. you get the point) and i was like helping them.. since they were all like boys, of the trouble making variety.. so i would see one cause trouble and i would go up and take them away from the pack and give them a threatening but friendly chat.. i got one of them who was.. doing something i cant remember.. so i was telling him (as we walked) how everything we do comes around (or something like that) and so he gets the point and we become sort of friends and then when i let the guy go, one of his friends comes over and starts yelling, so i grab him and give him a chat.. about what if everyone was yelling at everyone and what if one day he was stuck in a situation where someone was yelling at him and all that, and he got the point, so i let him go, and then i tell him something about drugs being harmful, and we become friends (sort of a "mentor"-like relationship) and so i give him a "thumbs up" as i leave...
so this is all going on in like a small enclosed yard type area and i walk over to the "counter" or where i had to check in/out (since this was apparently my job or something) and i hand the guy over three different pills (which apperantly represented the kids i had "saved" and what dosage of medicine they had to receive or something) so i tossed them into the little thing which is like a bin (well you know, like they have in banks and stuff where the little thing rotates and thus gets to the other side for the clerk to receive without the need for an open window.. well in one of those anyways) so then the guy on the other side (which in my dream i knew and was sort of friends with) grabs the pills and says "so this is your take for the day then?" "yep" and then he was arranging it, and being all sloppy about it (almost as if he were completely stoned .. or wasted..) so he starts bumbling about dropping the pills and mixing them into wrong compartments (little boxes for the pills) and then i notice that he starts handling bob's pills and mixes them up and drops one into a crack on the counter and stuff "ohh does this one go in here?" and so i drop down holding on to the counter and i start crying.. this because bob is dying and he needs the right pills and such, and this fool was mixing it all up... and so some friend of mine yells at me from a building "why are you crying?" and i explain, and she's like "then you better come and do the operation yourself" (yes, ok, see, apparently an operation could save his life, and, apparently, i am able to do such operations.. but.. its.. well an operation of the head.. or, more precisely.. brain surgery.. yah, i know.. i know) so i was all insecure because i knew, that any any screw up, would lead to his instant death.. and well.. he's my best friend.. and thats not something i would necessarily want.. but the girl keeps impelling me to do it and so i agree.. but for some reason i have to take a train there (i could see the girl, talk to her even, but somehow, i needed to take a train to get there?? ohh my dreams...) so she says she would pay it, and yells "even if i have to bakesale all day!!" which was really nice of her to say )implying that she would bake cakes and such and sell them for the whole day to pay for my train ticket.. hahah..)
so i run up to that area (now why didnt we think of that before??) and theres bob and so we were talking and stuff.. but for some reason.. bob is brad pitt (hahahah) so apparently we are all talking about something (its a different group of people now) and we were discussing something or other.. when one of the guys was like "well did you see the movie white house?" and i was like "duh!" (ok, so this movie doesnt actually exist..) you know, since bob was like the second main character (ohh wait, should i be referring to him as brad pitt now? hahaha) so we start discussing it, and apparently the film was sort of like "dog day afternoon" (you know, that al pacino film..) and so then they were like ".. and at the end the guy turns up to be gay" (ie, the character bob had been playing was gay..) so i say "no he wasnt" (but i had been forgetting the ending, which is where it is revealed..) so then the people were all yelling "yes he was!!" so i say "wait!!" i try to remember.. and so i jump away from bob.. hahah.. so that was my dream... bob was brad pitt and had played a gay guy in a movie.. ohh dood.. dreamworld...

[3:21: 01 ]

i just gave it a bit more thought.. what if you pronounced the "cha" part as "chay"? would it be better then? ra cha, mar cha, mil cha, dan cha.. hahah wow, it does dound better.. hahah, it actually sounds like pig latin.. ixnay on the cha nay... (cheney!!!!!!)

[3:14:22]

ok.. codename:noga just reminded me of something i have been thinking of lately... and that is the "cho" thing.. and how it would/should apply for the females of the species.. i had been thinking that for girls it would sound weird to have a "cho" (except in her case, where it would be "no cho" hahahah.. which would wuite apply..) so i was thinking about a "cha" solution you know.. kim cha, kell cha, sha cha, ra cha... hahah.. i dont know.. ill discuss it with bob and al cho and see what they think..

[0:59:30]

no, i meant go and do it.. NOW!!!!

Friday, February 22, 2002

[18:29:27]

"why do you insist on writing 'dood' as 'dood' instead of 'dude'?" some may ask, and yes, they may, to which i respond as follows.. grab a nice, large piece of paper and a thick-tipped permanent marker sit at a table and write in really large letters "dood" now, get up, walk around the table, sit on the other side and read it. thats why its "dood" and not "dude".

Thursday, February 21, 2002

[21:10: 08 ]

my dad just gave me an ultimatum. he said by next week i must get a job or start studying "or else.." i dont know. the thing is, i would be studying by now, except, i need the language. you know, since i dont speak it yet. i was taking a course last year, it was a 6-monther, but my dad decided at the third month he would pay no more. so, as much as i was learning, and i was, and as much as i may have wanted to learn, which was a lot.. i would learn no more. my dads excuse was "now its time to go and practice it, go out on the streets and do that" wtf?? i had no real basis to actually go out and talk to people, what i needed was grammer and vocab, which is what the course was giving me, but i wasnt in the course anymore, so i never finished learning, so i wasnt able to get into the university in september, then i left for a month in nov to visit my family, then my sister came back with me for the holidays and then i went on my trip, and when i come back, i get this.
so now i am supposed to do what? go out and get a job? what for? how is that going to be of any productive use for me? do i speak the language? no. so im not going to be getting any sort of good job. so then? go to university? i cant, dont have the language, remember? so then what? i guess another course.. and then what? the same crap again. he'll tell me no more course for you, tell me to go and do something else.. bla bla bla.. so whats the point in all this then? well, i will tell you. its about control. you see, my dad isnt happy unless he is controlling someone or something, and by control, i mean, "controlling into doing something against will, and by the worst possible means" else it wouldnt really be "control" it would just be "influence". and since he has always had his own shop or store where he had workers under his command, mostly it was normal situation. but now, now its different. now he doesnt have these workers, now he is the worker, and he doesnt like this. and the only other person he could push around would be.. well.. me. and so he forces me to do stuff.. i do it, no problem, but this isnt enough for him, its about control remember? so he also treats me like crap, and tells me to do stupid stuff.. and now forcing me into a path in life i do not necessarily want.. see, i wanted to take the next two years off to decide what i would finally end up doing.. well, welcome to the beginning of year 2. so i am now to give up my last year of deciding, because my dad wants to boss me around??
i have no problem with working or any of that, its just that, i know the kinds of stuff you give up on if you start working.. i also know what i would be giving up on if i start working now. i know i will work, and when i do, i will work really hard.. but i just dont want to be wasting my efforts doing something just because. i know that a person working in a factory 9 to 5 works as hard as a scientist does 9 to 5.. but who is being more productive?? i mean, what would society or anyone gain from having the smart scientist working a factory shift??? and if this scientist is one working on the cure for some threatening disease, then.. well, you get the picture.. basically, i want to have time to decide correctly. if i am forced to work now, i wont have that time i need. and hence, i am being wasteful of any capacities i may have that may prove to be useful.. if only i had taken the time to decide... but instead, i have to put up with my dad saying im wasting my time in front of the computer (among other things he says) but of course he is completely ignorant as to what goes on in my life, since he chooses not to listen.. you know, he doesnt even read my blog, i think he has seen my site once or maybe twice.. both times it was me who typed in the address and sent him there, not that he wanted to see it. and so, whatever amount of efforts i may put into my site, all that i have learned through making my site, the programming languages, techniques and so on, it is all absolutely worthless to my dad, because he doesnt care, and he doesnt see it.. because he doesnt care.. to him, im just spending time on the computer.. and thats all he sees. and so now i must figure out what i will do...

[20:15:32]

well since monday morning its been carnival time in my city.. and this is to be some of the happiest time.. yah, it should be.. no chance. i really want to lay off the depressive posts but, alas, its whats going on here, and hence i must..
last year i went to all the festivities with my dad and stuff, since i had just arrived (a few days prior) so we went and saw all the stuff and i really liked it.. this year it would be exactly one year since i came over here to live, and so it should be more special (or not) but to my surprize (or not) my dad just went off on his own to see all the stuff, and left me all alone to figger it out on my own.. and since i am not that familiar with it all, i wouldnt know where to go or what to do. and i didnt, and so while my dad was out there having fun enjoying the carnival, here i was, watching parts of it on tv... yah, lots of fun that was.. i had been looking forward to getting doused with confetti.. but since i only went the last moment of the last day, then i only got a shot in the face by some little kid.. last year, it was months before we could get rid of it all, it was all over the place in my house.. well, the house that i live in.. since, you know, its not "my" house, its my dads and i happen to be living here.. even tho i am his son... ohh well.. so now the whole thing is over and i didnt enjoy it as much as i could have.. and i was actually really looking forward to it all.. i always do relating to these kinds of special events.. but this time.. well.. i wasnt able to fully enjoy it.. and that is sort of saddening..
tomorrow will be a year since my grandfather died, and i dont think my father will allow me to call my grandmother from here, and tomorrow is my "wash day" (which i used to refer to as "cleanliness day".. but.. you know.. it has since ceased to amuse me) so i doubt ill be able to leave the house and make the call from a pay phone.. and i also found out some terrible news about a friend.. ahh man is this hard times.. the only good news ive had so far is today when it was snowing.. that was nice

[14:37:15]

i dreamt with pink today. not that she was here and we dreamt together, but rather, that she appeared in the dream that i had today. it was like some strange party and i dont know.. there was other stuff going on.. i was at some place by the beach and there was a bunch of stuff like plants with really cool colors (i know.. its a dream, what can i say) and i wanted to take a picture of the plants and the colors and what not but i only had like two pics left in my camera, but for some reason my mom had my camera and then she proceeded to take two pictures of me and i got all mad at her for doing so and then she started laughing cuz she hadnt actually used my camera, but hers and so she had tricked me and i was all "yah, ok whatever.." so i got my camera and went to take the pictures of the crazy colored plants but the sun had gone down a bit and the colors had left and now they were all dull and i was like "ohh no, its all ruined" and thats where the part of the dream involving pink came.. it was like we were at some party but they needed stuff so we went in this jeep or something but i wasnt in it yet and then they hit something and some cop guy walked over to see what was going on and pink and some other girl were in the back.. you know, where it isnt actually seats but rather just a space between them and the door.. so then i opened the door and jumped in and pink ducked, so as not to be seen by the cop (for some reason.. i dont know) and then the cop was like "aha there used to be two of you back there, and now theres.. ok.. two.. move along now.." so i effectively saved pink (from what?) and then we went to some place to get pizza (for the party) and i was all putting my moves on pink trying to get her to think i was cool (hahaha) and at some point the dream ended (the phone was ringing in the "real" world).. i know.. my dreams.. hahah..
and yesterday i had a dream that i was in some "spy game" or something.. where we were all "young" people who were like spies on this island or something, and there were "teams" and stuff.. it was pretty coo'.. we had guns and all, but in the dream i wasnt sure if the guns were real or not.. so i wasnt sure if it was a "game" or what.. so at some point i found an "enemy" but she ran into this room behind a wall.. and so i pointed the gun at the wall (where she would be on the other side) and i said (at the same time as her) "my gun shoots through walls!!" so she gave up since my gun was bigger than hers (lool!) (i had an m16 machine gun type of gun, whereas she had like a handgun, a colt perhaps) so she gave me her gun and i gave it to a "team mate" (hahah whats up with the "qoutes"?) and then i found her really attractive and then we started flirting and then her mom appeared!!! (in the spy island???) and then we were all just talking and stuff.. hahah.. it was really weird... and then i woke up. ahh my crazy dreams...

[14:27:46]

and just like that, the sun pops up and scares the snow away...

[14:11:26]

thats it, im hitting the city.. i am sooo going to walk in the snow...

[14:10: 02 ]

and its like power snow too!! this is sooo great!!

[14: 08 :45]

ohh wow!! its snowing!!!!! this is sooooo awesome!!!

[14: 06 :35]

you heard it first on www.insaner.com...

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

[18:23:36]

i havent posted in a while (since im working on last weeks post) so i decided to post something..
the latest news in my life is that this guy called me up the other day. the thing is, i'll be going to the army soon.. first i have to finish learning that third language i need to learn and then like in september i'll be just another drone with a rifle and a will to kill.. (well maybe not that last part.. i sure hope i dont have to kill anyone.. at least not right away.. hahah.. no but seriously.. i dont want to kill anyone.. killing bad.. insaner good..) im going to do my military service soon.. whats new in your life?

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

[7: 02 :46]

i was writing this yesterday:
yesterday i cried. i lived through the saddest experience of my life. (i realize i havent posted in a week, there was a post coming up that contained an explanation.. but im going to have to put that on hold) i cried like i have never cried before. what happened is, basically, my dad said "i dont care if you are happy or not" what a fatherly thing to say. this was absolutely the saddest thing i have had to go through in my life, its been worse on me than my grandfather's death exactly one year ago. things havent been great around here since my return, it almost seems like my dad is punishing me for having had a great time on my trip. as soon as i came back he began bossing me around, telling me what i had to do, what he needed.. now, this isnt really a problem to me.. but when he starts treating me like crap, thats when it starts to be a problem. and thats exactly what happened. and thats also the reason why i havent posted since my return. because my dad finds it pleasant to limit my freedom, and since it is he who pays for the internet connection, then he has the right to remove it from me, for no reason, whenever he so pleases.. and he makes sure to let me know this. and as amof, this makes me very sad, and when im sad, it shows, and so (yesterday) we were having a "discussion" (you know, where he who has the power speaks and others listen.. even when asked to talk) and he told me to tell him what was wrong, so i tried, but he kept interrupting me, saying "i'm the one who asks the questions" or "it doesnt matter what you think" and just general "i'm better than you so shut your mouth up" type comments and at one point he asked me how i feel (or something like that) and so i began to say about how unhappy i was or something to which he responded very loudly something to the extent of "i dont care if youre happy" (actually, come to think of it, i think those were his exact words) and so i burst into tears.. and i have never cried like i did at that moment. do you know what its like to come to the realization that your own father, the person who is in charge of seeing to it that you are raised properly and happily, does not care if you are happy or not???? and so i cried, and cried and at some point i actually felt physical pain in my heart. i couldnt believe it, i could not believe the words that had come out of my father's mouth. i still cant believe it. he saw me crying and asked "what do you want?" and so i yelled "i want you to love me, thats all i want!!" and unmoved by any of this, he went on saying all the stuff he had been saying for a while now. i couldnt believe how utterly cold he was being. and still to this day, he has not said anything nice to me since i came back from my trip (where he hadnt seen me for a whole month) and he goes on saying the same crap over and over. even yesterday (monday), he insisted on the same thing. as you know, im not a violent person, im a very relaxed and calm person, and i also dont swear much (i dont like using the big words) but yesterday he sat me down once more to "talk" and, again, he said the same things, and, again, i tried telling him.. but with the same results.. so.. i lost it.. i let out a big.. well.. the eff word.. and he responded in the same smart-ass way and i felt the blood rush to my head... i usually sit through the whole conversation.. no matter how stupid or painful it may be.. i do this as a general rule on all conversations.. i wait till its over to leave.. i couldnt for this one. i picked up my slippers and held my hands in the air as if saying "ive had enough" i may have said it, but i couldnt have heard it because i felt my skin was going to boil off my body.. and so i walked off into my room.. where i completely lost it.. i threw my slippers down and just yelled and kicked my chair down with all the stuff that was on it, and then picked some box with my stuff in it and threw it down on the floor and then kicked some more stuff around my room and collapsed on the floor crying. i was panting, i mean heavy, heavy breathing, i dont believe in losing control, and breathing really hard was going to prevent me from going any further. i heard my dad walk up to my doorway "do not go into my room" i repeated this several times.. and you know another thing? well my dad keeps me here like im a slave or something.. if he gives me anything, then its like im in debt to him.. the other day i woke up and went to get something to drink, and so i began to drink me a glass of ice tea (ice pee, to be exact) and then he bursts into the kitchen and says "cant you say 'good morning'?" i finished my glass while i thought "you didnt say good morning to me either" and then he gets all mad and says "because you know i got you that ice tea!!" wtf???? as if.. ah nevermind, im not even going to try to explain... well the point im getting to is that my room isnt even my room.. it is the room where i sleep and keep my stuff in. it isnt mine because i cant close the door (thats right, im not allowed to close my door, nevermind lock it) and he has still a bunch of his stuff in here.. you know, even though he has the whole house (apartment) to keep it in. not to mention the fact that my room is waay smaller than his, and my bed is waaaay smaller than his.. but i dont complain about that.. i dont mind that.. what i do mind, is how he treats me..
i hope i managed to express what happened and how i feel correctly, so i dont sound like i'm a crybaby wussy type, not that i would care if people thought that about me, but rather that i wouldnt want people to think that i am exaggerating what happened. this indeed has been the saddest, most depressing experience of my life. somehow, relating the last week of my trip doesnt seem so important anymore.. ill still post it up though

Sunday, February 10, 2002

[16:42: 05 ]

i found this link (thanks to bob) (man, i cant use my thumb to type.. it really hhurts.. its slowing down my typing.. typing with 9 fingers is waaay slower than with 10.. but at least yesterday was of the rulez!!)

[16:37:28]

we watched "lock stock and two smoking barrels" yesterday.. very very good movie (if you like violent movies.. which i do.. and the ending was soooo unbelievably good.. this guy ritchie (hahah that sounds funny) really knows what he's doing...

[0:56:41]

so snowboarding went really well.. it was pretty coo'.. apparently i was wrong about the "dry" part in "dry slope".. it was sprinkled with water.. to make it "slippery".. it was like these bristles that they lay on a hill-side, water it, and *poof* it becomes "skiable".. and let me tell you.. there was nothing "dry" about it.. as amof, i was wearing my snowboarding pants (waterproof) and i got wet to my undies.. yes, i did. and the thing is, we all know about my condition with sports.. (especially snowboarding -ill splain later-) lets put it this way, my motto for sports is "if you dont get hurt, it wasnt fun" and lets face it, i had a lot of fun.. since this was only the second time i went, i sort of.. well.. i wasnt too good at it.. it was chris cho's third (over a period of some months, whereas, the last time i did, was on real snow -softer- and it was about three years ago) so chris cho knew what he was doing a bit more than i did (and it showed) and so we set off on our snowboarding experience, at first i went on the kiddie slopes to get the hang of what i was doing.. i later moved on to the normal one.. but you know how they have those human conveyor belts? you know, the ski lifts without seats, the ones that are basically a stick and you have to hold on and let yourself be pulled up the slope.. well i just could not get the hang of that stuff.. you know, cuz with skis you just shove the thing in your crotch (or something like that) and it pulls you up.. but with a snowboard, well.. the story differs.. seeing as your feet are attached to one board.. so i made it my goal to make it all the way up being pulled by that thing.. and i usually accomplish what i set out to do.. and after a whole night of trying (going up, falling off, snowboarding down what little i had managed to go up) i finally made it.. it was quite glorious. i met a lot of people who were cheering me on.. hahah..it was cool.. and so at last i made it all the way up and stayed up there for a while, you know, to brag and sulk in my victory (is victorious sulking possible? dictionary.com says: "no". i meant quite the opposite) and thats where one of the guys told me that the others wanted to leave, so i went down the hill, but i fell at one point near the end, and since the bristles were like a honey comb type structure, my thumb got stuck in one of the wholes/bar type things and twisted back, very painful.. so we leave and i find out i had twisted back part of my thumbnail as well so it was bleeding under the nail.. and then my butt was hurting a while later.. (but you should have seen chris cho's.. that was painful.. im going to be posting the pics soon (as soon as i get back home) and then we went to a convenience store (how conveeeenient) and bought some stuff.. i was really lame here.. i bought a kit kat.. but listen to this, i bought it saying (and i quote myself here): "gimme a break, gimme a kit kat" pfff.. hahahahaha.. and then we caught the bus and came back home... hahah

Saturday, February 9, 2002

[17: 09 :58]

im going dry slope snowboarding... IDIOTAH!!!!

Friday, February 8, 2002

[16:52:10]

whoa! my chickie section has almost 800 hits since august, which is more than my start page (www.insaner.com) has had since last april... insanity.. and i have to fix up calvinball.. it looks really messy.. perhaps i should do a register thing, so you can only enter stuff if you register.. who knows..

[16:43:22]

after a gruelling "idiotah! cup" with such countries as israel, switzerland, estonia, holland and cyprus facing it off in "sensible soccer" (thats what the game was actually called.. its "megadrive", or to the rest of us.. "genesis", game) estonia defeats holland in a 3 to 2 score after over time.. and in so doing gaining the much desired "idiotah! cup"

[16:34:50]

bob sent me this

[16:30:36]

when someone does something stupid (and especially if its funny) you say: "oh so and so".. but you cant say it to them personally, and you cant say it if you are mad at them either. so, for example, if chris cho were to say, buy really expensive mittens, i would say: "oh chris cho" after discussing this with someone...

[16:28:54]

saw the world is not enough yesterday, it was really cool.. except for the fact that they promote the demoralization of people... but ignoring that, it was a pretty cool movie..

[1: 09 : 00 ]

and that, my friends is the proverbial fruit of laziness.. riding dangerous elevators... (did i mention chris cho is british?)

[0:57:20]

ok, so there is an elevator here (in the apartment) you know, to get to the other floors.. and its just sooo dangerous.. you get in, and if youre lucky, the doors will close, if not, they just keep shutting and opening making the scariest noises.. then as it is going up, it begins to rattle.. rattle, ok??.. and then it starts shaking up and down.. its actually quite exhilarating.. forget sky diving this is a real extreme sport right here.. in sky diving, if you freak out, you pull a cord.. in elevator.. ehh riding?.. there is no cord to pull.. some people say they have actually gone into a 2-story freefall in it.. others say that you start to recognize the bumps and shakes, and that comforts them.. (...) heh.. you get such an adrenaline rush from riding it, not to mention if you are riding alone.. or worse, with chris cho, who sometimes begins to monkey yell and jump up and down making the whole thing jerk.. (he chose the word).. says chris cho: "if you jump up and down hard enough, it'll crash the lift" "nice to know.. now stop jumping up and down!!!" (more random monkey noises)

Thursday, February 7, 2002

[20:34:14]

do you speak engrish? this is a nice example of a close sibling to insane inglish.. hahah this is truly insaner.. go check it out.. no, i mean go NOW!!

[20:19:44]

ok, i made my nose bleed. heres how: i purchased a bottle of ginger beer (its like ginger ale, but more like ginger juice (which i find to be my favorite thing to drink in the world) except that its bubbly.. so i opened it and wanted to smell it, but i only partially twisted the cap open.. so i sniffed it, but there wasnt enough to smell so i proceeded to open it a bit more.. and *tsssfft* all the stored up gas was ejected.. but i was still sniffing, so it all went up my nose.. (left nostril, to be precise) it was a bit painful, so i said "duh" and just kept walking.. so i got back to the apartment and i thought "that was just dumb of me" so i check my nose (ie, i put my finger in there) and holey son of a bleeding tiger!! my nose was bleeding! and not like a little blood, like a fingerprintful (whatever that means) so i was like "ohh my!" (hahaha) and ran into the bathroom and looked into my nose (using a mirror.. duh.. its not like im a weird conjointed freak who can just.. look into my own nose..) and the whole "wall" of my nostril was red with blood, apparently, the ginger extract in the gas had destroyed my tissue and made my nose bleed, either that.. or.. well.. my brain was leaking out... which i dont even want to begin to fathom happening.. so i tried wiping it out with t.p. but it wasnt working.. it was all the way up there (shut up! dont even start with me) so i shoved my head into the sink (as non-violently as i could) and began to try to flush the blood out of my nose with water.. so i held my hand under my nose and the tap (the warm tap, cuz you know they have separate taps here.. the freaks!) and proceeded to snort the water.. hey, remember "abyss"? that pink fluid that was used to breath underwater at high pressure? sort of like that, except, well.. i didnt let it all the way into my lungs.. so i did this a while until the blood stopped running out and i was satisfied at how non-bloody my nose was. and that was my nosebleed experience...

[17: 07 :53]

am currently planning my return trip.. i wonder how the who im going to manage to get off this island.. that will be one to see...

[6:00:40]

okay, tonight was whack. there is no other way to describe it. simply effin' whack.
it began thus: we had planned to go to that place to dance.. are you with me so far? cuz it aint got screwy yet.. so we leave the apartment, and chris cho tells me we are going to go to some club. so im like "uhh do you have to pay entry?" "duh dood.." "will we get carded?" "what, you mean like i.d.? yeh, probably, mem" "but will they card me?" "i dont know, mem" "well i dont have my passport with me" "well then go fetc